How to Create Space for the Things You Truly Desire

I met a friend for Happy Hour, on the second glass of surprisingly good house wine into the evening, we started discussing the book, The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing. We had both read it but had not put any of the concepts into practice. We shared stories about all our stuff, way too much stuff.

Too much tea
He talked about all the different kinds of teas he had in a cupboard that was overflowing and so overwhelming that he wasn't even having any of it. But he was still compelled to purchase more tea when it went on sale and because it was on sale he would buy three cartons of it. When he got home he would realize that all the tea he had purchased wasn't even the kind he really enjoyed. He also realized that he could have just bought his favorite kind of tea for all the money he had spent on all the crappy sale tea.

Same thing with sweaters
I was doing the same thing but with black cardigans, I had a short one from Armani Exchange, a low cut one from TNA, one with no buttons from H&M, a blingy shrug from The Gap, and a classic button up from Zara. What I really wanted was a luscious cashmere cardigan like the one I had lost to a moth who had nibbled on it and ruined it. I also realized that I could have bought a cashmere cardigan with the same amount of money that I had spent on the five cardigans. If I would have just purchased the cashmere cardigan that I wanted in the first place, I probably wouldn't have purchased the other five cardigans, each missing the mark slightly.

On sale or fabulous?
We had both purchased things in the past not because they were absolutely fabulous but because they were on sale. My friend wanted to have a wardrobe that made him feel sexy. When buying new clothes, I asked myself, is this absolutely fabulous? And if it wasn't, I wasn't supposed to buy it - but I did anyway, hence the five black cardigans. There is a similar concept called spark joy from the book Spark Joy: An Illustrated Master Class on the Art of Organizing and Tidying Up. The concept is asking yourself, "Does this item spark joy when I hold it?" This is the guideline I would use to determine whether to keep or get rid of things.

I started getting rid of stuff by buying more stuff - d'oh!
My first step in the process of getting rid of stuff was to revert to my mindless pattern of buying more stuff. Hey, this was different, this was stuff to organize my stuff.

I texted my friend and he had a great observation.

The thing that makes this process different than just re-organizing is that you are actually getting rid of stuff so that it is easier to manage the stuff that remains.

Inspired
The next day, I thought more about tidying up (which is referred to as throwing away things but really means giving them away). My friend and I were both inspired from our conversation and both started tidying up the next evening. As I tidied, I listened to the Spark Joy audiobook I found on youtube. As recommended, I started with my clothes, emptied out my drawers and piled them onto my bed. This was just one of many piles.

Creating space for the things you truly desire
I have heard that physical space is a manifestation of one's mental and emotional space. Seriously, if I am not responsible for the clutter, then who is? Of course, it was me so that also means by getting rid of the clutter, I can create space in my cupboards and in my life for the things that I truly desire. It all begins with a mindset. This was one of the first things I threw out, a dead plant that I was keeping under the kitchen sink, it had a sign that said, Love Grows, that my ex gave to me. How and ironic and symbolic of our relationship. Not sure why I was keeping it.

Different Mindset
The things that made this different from the other times I tried to get rid of things were:

I had recently let go of a boyfriend and a job, I forgave everyone involved so that I could move on. I realized how the past was keeping me from experiencing joy in the present moment and preventing me from creating possibilities in the future.
With this new mindset of letting go, I was now ready to let go of the physical clutter
It had been so hard to get rid of the clutter in the past, I acknowledged my feelings and saw how attached I was to all the stuff
I focused the things that sparked joy
I focused on keeping things rather than focusing on the things that I needed to get rid of
I donated the stuff to people who really needed it and could make better use of it

Expiration date
There is a rule that says you should throw away clothes that you haven't worn in over a year, however, if this concept really worked, it would be easy to get rid of things but it's not easy. I have found that this concept doesn't work because it doesn't account for the emotional attachment that we often have with things, there is no expiration date on our emotions and our attachments linger.

Try joy
When I focused on the things that sparked joy, it started to become very clear which ones did and which did not make me feel happy. I focused on what I was keeping, not what I needed throw away. As I continued tidying up, I became better at tuning into what sparked joy and the process became faster and easier as I got to the bottom of each pile. I got rid of a whole six-drawer dresser worth of of clothing and other clothes that were in storage bins. It was easier to give away things when I realized they did not spark joy. Big pile of stuff to donate.

Can you find the cat in the chaos?

Smooth rectangles
I used the Spark Joy folding method to make smooth rectangles that I stood up in the drawers rather than pile on top of each other. Fun stuff in a really OCD kinda way.

Using this method was able to fit the rest of my clothes into one dresser. As I arranged the smooth rectangles, certain items stood out as I realized that they really did not spark joy at second glance and added them to the pile to donate. I worked on getting rid of stuff the whole night and worked until 2:30 am the next morning because the process started to feel very satisfying. I was finally able to let go of stuff that I had not used in years by focusing on the joy that other objects gave me. I could feel the difference.

Kitchen aid
After dealing with clothes from my bedroom and the storage room, I continued my rampage into the kitchen and pulled out an old steam pressured espresso machine, a juicer that I hadn't used in a decade, and KitchenAid blender with a gorgeous glass pitcher I hadn't used since I got a Nutribullet. These are all the kitchen things to donate, minus the cat.

As I was cleaning, I found a set of plates from Japan that I was saving for guests under a bunch of older, mismatched plates that I used daily. I gave away the mismatched plates and started using the special set that was hidden below the clutter. Eating with these gorgeous works of art really added joy to my meals and made the experience more pleasurable. More joy.

Anxiety
I noticed that the stuff that I wanted to donate was causing me to feel anxiety. It was in a big pile by the front door of my condo. This must have been similar to the overwhelm that my friend felt about all his tea, interesting. In the past I have sold things on Craigslist but there was so much stuff to get rid of, I felt compelled to get it out of my space right away. This time there was an urgency to complete the process of letting go and not have these things sitting in my house while I waited for flaky people from Craigslist to jam out on me.

Help those in need
I decided to donate my stuff to a local homeless shelter that takes clothes and household items to help teens get off the street and into housing. If I was on the fence about keeping something, I often thought of how a teen that was trying to get off the streets could get better use from it than sitting in a storage bin in my closet and would put it in the pile to give away. I also wondered how much anxiety these items were causing me when they were scattered throughout my condo, maybe all the stuff was creating a low grade anxiety that I wasn't totally aware of until it was in a big pile on the floor.

Stop sign
When I woke up the next morning I realized my throat was sore and I was getting sick. Perhaps some part of my subconscious self wasn't ready to let go as quickly as I thought I was. I got the flu, felt achey, and couldn't move for two days. As I laid in bed, all I could think about was clearing more stuff out my space. This is a text from one of my friends, JWo, we had met friends at a dive bar on Main Street a few days earlier and now both felt the same way.

More determined
When I felt better, I started tidying up the den which had two 6 feet tall 4 feet wide shelves full of stuff in storage bins. I was able to get rid of the stuff that filled one whole shelving unit. I was focusing on keeping the stuff that sparked joy so it was easy to give away the rest. I took three carloads to the homeless shelter in my community, they were doing great work and I felt like I was making a small contribution in my own way.

Inbox stuff
Next I took a look at Gmail. I sometimes miss important emails because I receive so many useless marketing emails that clutter up my inbox. I sometimes avoid looking at email because like too much tea in a cupboard, it is overwhelming. It has taken me over three weeks to unsubscribe from all the emails trickling in from PADI, Animal Jam, PINK Nation, Shamanic Practices, etc. As I unsubscribe, I delete all the emails from the sender and I still have 6,522 emails in my inbox. I didn't want to unsubscribe in the past due to FOMO, but these sites are not going anywhere. If I need to go to a site to find something, I will do it with intention, not in reaction to a marketing campaign. Now I get a handful of important personal emails a day and my inbox is manageable without all the clutter of unwanted emails.

Reduce, Reuse, Recycle
I like to recycle. I thought I was doing so much for the environment by recycling but wasn't paying attention to the order of the phrase, Reduce, Reuse and Recycle. Reduce is listed first because it is the most important. I definitely needed to reduce what I had and now that I have created space it is important to be mindful of what I now bring into it. I think it is also important to note that tidying up is often referred to throwing away but really means giving away, donating or selling on Craigslist. We buy 80 billion new items of clothing each year, a 400% increase from 20 years ago. The average American tosses 82 pounds of textile waste each year, which adds up to 11 million non-biodegradable tons sitting in landfills releasing harmful gases into the air. Reducing our consumption is key.

The results are in
I helped another friend get rid of and organize his stuff, in the process he found a jacket and pants that he needed to use for cross country skiing the previous weekend but couldn't find because they were buried in all his useless stuff. He was also a long distance runner and had not run for a year. As a result of getting rid of stuff and tidying up his running gear, he got excited about running again. He wasn't sure how that happened but maybe we just need to be more aware of the stuff we already have to get joy from it.

Mindlessness vs. Intentionality
After tidying, my place seemed brighter and felt calmer. I had been wearing a pair of winter tights almost every day. Here is a view from my deck. It is an unusually cold winter. We went skating on Trout Lake this year, it had not been cold enough to freeze in 20 years. Global warming?

After I tidied, one of my first thoughts was to get another pair of warm tights. Ugh, I had to stop myself. I became aware of my mindless consumer conditioning. I already had a pair and couldn't wear two pairs at once. The process of letting go helped me see more clearly how I had acquired all the clutter in the first place. I realized that I would have to be more intentional about new stuff I brought into my place or the clutter would creep back in.

Die hard habits
My first thought was to buy another pair. But instead I asked myself a series of questions - I have included my answers for an example.
Do I already have one? Yes, I already have a pair and I can't wear two pairs of tights at the same time.
If so, What is wrong with the one(s) I already have? Ummm, nothing. The empty space triggered my conditioning to fill it with stuff.
If so, am I ready to get rid of the one I have? I don't think a new pair would be better than the one I have already have.
Do I already own something that could serve the same purpose? Busted! I have four other pairs of winter pants in varying thicknesses that could serve the same purpose. Definitely got some work to do before I can call myself a minimalist!
If I did buy it, where would I store it? I got rid of an entire dresser and shelving unit and I don't have the physical space to store another pair.
Do you really need this? Nevermind... I just wanted it because my first response was fueled by consumer conditioning.

Sustainment
I think that keeping objects that spark joy is a good rule to help with reducing the amount of stuff initially but doesn't help sustain movement in the direction of having less stuff. Most things at the mall spark joy for me, clothes, shoes, and other random stuff! I came across The Minimalists on youtube, listened to The Ted Talk, The Art of Letting Go; and Minimalism: Live a Meaningful Life (Audiobook). I later found Everything That Remains (Audiobook) on youtube. I am by no means a minimalist but I think it is a better direction than mindless consumer conditioning to help maintain my new found space, joy, and tidiness.

Space
I found places for the things that sparked joy and got rid of everything else, this is the key to keeping things organized. Everything had its place and I felt calm in my space. I returned the two sets of storage containers and sold the dresser on Craigslist to the first person that contacted me. I still have one empty 4x6 ft shelving unit for sale on Craigslist. Know anyone who might need it to store all their stuff?

Stuff on my cat, Booberry Chiquita.