Life can be unfair sometimes, especially when we make it unfair through our actions and decisions. Even in times when we know or think we know we are making the right decisions, we can not just help but second guess those decisions and our actions. Even in times when all we want to do is good, the heart still remembers the pain. I have recently found myself running through memory lane, recounting every action and decision I took with her, sometimes even wishing I could go back to those moments, but I have accepted the fact that those moments have been lost for good.
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I can remember when she was the love of my life, she was all I ever wanted, not even in my wildest dreams did I imagine we will no longer be together. But then the time came, the quarrels became too much, the hurt was increasing everyday. I kept hurting her, she kept hurting me, I guess I even hurt her more, or maybe I didn’t just always react like she did. The love was there, but it became toxic. She wanted to stay anyway, but I did not want such a life, I wanted peace, and would do anything to get it. Things happened, words were said, everything we had built up until that moment went down the drain, I had the power to hold it in or watch it go down the drain, and I chose the latter.
I would be lying if I said there were no regrets, I feel the pain everyday, I do not talk about it, but it’s there no matter how I try to mask it. I miss her, I love her, but going back feels like bringing down the heavens. I remember the good old days, the happy moments, the love she gave unconditionally and the decisions we made, both the good and the bad. Everything comes to an end eventually, and I have to accept it, but sometimes it’s hard for the heart to forget, and even when the brain does, the heart remembers.
THIS IS MY RESPONSE TO HIVE STUDENT WEEK 43
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