So it finally happened. Your parents have decided that it is time for them to spend the holidays together, which would be great news to hear as a kid, but not really as an adult. Now you perhaps wonder how you will manage to survive this season that is stressful as it is already. Thankfully, this is a guide that might help you out!
1. Siblings and Relatives
If you are lucky, you will not have to spend the holidays with only your good old ma and pa. Since it is only a question of time before the ice will break and your dear mother will give -that look- to your father, that you know will lead to an endless blame game, keeping a sibling nearby can help you endure just that. A knowing look will not only signal your discomfort to your chosen ally, in these trying times, but will also ensure that you have someone who feels exactly like you do. Plus you get to feel like you are Jim from 'The Office' finally!
2. Alcohol for you, but not your Parents
Alcohol is one of your best friends during this season as it will help you drift off to a better place than a dinner table with your parents and your fathers new wife, why did she agree to this in the first place? I always thought she was the sensible one... Moving on. The key is to keep the alcohol hidden, as you do not want to give your patriarch any more reason to start looking at your mother and his new wife and just start to smile creepily... You know that smile? Yes. Exactly that one, the one you never want to see. Ew.
3. Smoking, Finally more like a Blessing than a Curse
Why is it that a season this jolly also is the one where your vices prove to finally be of use? Even if you do not smoke, you should perhaps start considering picking up that habit as it not only will allow you to have an easy excuse to remove yourself from the awkward conversation about "what if we never broke up" that will lead to "but we would have anyway since you cheated on me with... her!" Also offering you a sense of calm in all this chaos. The harsh winter chill will feel like a gentle touch as your inhale peace in smoke form. You may be freezing, but atleast you are not staring into a wall that starts to look like a void... At least the void would not involve the passive aggressiveness that your father is now offering! Remeber to appreciate the little things.
4. Get your own Family
Maybe it is time to settle down, even if you only have two weeks to find someone willing to do that with you. As long as there is life, there is hope. Swipe right on everyone on Tinder, heck, put some money in it so you can swipe even more! You can't put a price tag on the possibility of not having to spend the winter festivities together with the people who once gave you life! Even if it is a good life, and you are thankful for it, you still value your sanity and not being a smoking alcoholic. How is that girl from high school that used to have a crush on you? Single, ready to mingle, perhaps eager settle down? Slide into her DM's or even better, drive three hours and surprise her with flowers with a look on your face that really shows how little you want to spend the holidays with your parents. That is super romantic, right? Right..?
5. Move to another Country
This one is probably the most expensive and time consuming on the list, but it is better than having to fear having to answer the question on ’Who you would rather want to live with?’ Even if you are now an adult with your own place, how is this even a relevant question? Did they find the alcohol? Moving on, once more! You know how you have always said "Wow, I should really move to another country, a blank slate and the whole world is mine to explore!" But always decided not to since you do not know anyone that would want to take care of your cats? Well, there has never been a better time to do that until now since you can simply give them away as presents! And if you move you will not have to spend the holidays with your divorced parents, as an adult.
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