This post is part update, part contest.
Here’s the deal:
My baby has been a sick little boy. He’s being pumped with oxygen to stay alive right now. It has me a nervous wreck all the while. I’ve tried to stay calm but no matter what people say, I can’t. Want to reassure me? Sorry it won’t work. You can’t help me. Stress induced pacing around the baby is going to happen.
He’s so fucking grounded already
But maybe you all actually can help me.
This little guy has no name. I’d let him name himself but the state requires that I do it in 12 days. (Yet another reason to not like them.)
Baby name apps didn’t work
As cool as Rocket may seem, I’m not sure anyone in their right mind would name their kid Rocket.
Rocket, clean your room.
Lemuel, I’m glad you’re “devoted to God” because Jesus is the only one that could love that name.
So I’m basically out of options here. The girlfriend and I can’t agree.
It’s like the internet wants to create an army of poorly named children so our new AI overlords can develop proficient bullying techniques. Lots of Rocket jokes in the near future.
That’s why I’m turning to you. Steem, I’m desperate and exhausted you’re a smart group.