I am in a battle against a giant enemy right now. I feel like when I give up, I'm ready to disappear right away. Yes, I may have prepared myself, accepted, and will be accepted by many like the loss of people in the world, the pain of loss, of bereavement, will gradually disappear. Memories will also disappear. The oblivion, others may say.
You know how I fight?
At first, I'll just hold everything, everything is here in my chest until it feels like it's going to explode, almost every hour it's pounding because it's full... maybe it's overflowing.
By shouting, I can let this thing inside me go, but when I shout, there will be great commotion here in our place, so here I am again... waiting for the time to let go again. That I can be alone again and let it all go.
It's been a month since I last screamed, and it's been thirty-two hours since the darkness knocked on my mind again. Something lit the fuse again, but I can't say what it is, because it's not concrete.
Hmmmmm
No way, I can't lose yet.
Why am I writing here publicly?
Just in case, I can get this ghost out, you know I'm fighting,
I've been fighting for a long time.