Hello, My name is Andrew Lasso. I am an African, Kenyan to be precise. I would like to think of myself as a daydreamer, or maybe an idealist. But mostly I just daydream on many things that could be but aren't. Including the one where I made an impact on the world. But in reality I have to admit that I have been lazy and ignorant. Seriously, it took me weeks to muster up the strength to compose this article.
For some time I blamed my situation on my introverted nature, my curse. If only I talked more. I could have had a great job by now. I might have had more friends, more opportunities. Most of my life I have been shy. And with that, I have lost a lot of opportunities. But no matter how hard I try, my nature won't change. This is just who I am. And these days I'm starting to like it. Especially after I found out a few months ago that I'm not the only one.
I also blamed the society around me, my judges. They constantly tried to change me into something I'm not. Talk more. be more aggressive. Why are you always quiet? It's pitiful, change your personality. When they discovered that I wouldn't change, they went over me and left me trampled upon and defeated. But I soon realized that I was too focused on the outside forces that determine my fate rather than my internal struggle.
I have been looking into other people's lives for so long. Constantly comparing their lives with mine. Their great achievements with my utter failures. Watching them succeed and become better versions of themselves. All the while sitting as a spectator, doing nothing, going nowhere. Every time I wanted to start, there was always a reason not to. I don't own a laptop. No wifi. I won't be able to know when something happens so what's the point? I'm no strong enough.
Now I realize, I was too blinded by my own judgement of the society and life that I forgot to compose myself within. Then came the depression. It's too late. I have already ruined my own chances. I've gotten myself into deeper troubles than the ones I had before. I might as well live like the failure I am. With what I'm saying you may think I am 60 years old. But I'm only 20.
I look back to that time and I have no words to describe my position. It's only been 3 weeks but I have noticed the difference. I still have my laziness intact but I can at least see a path ahead. This all came after my recent exposure to the full potential of the internet. Maybe I'll fail again. Maybe I'm not ready yet. Maybe it's just not meant for me. But I'll at least try. And that's good enough for now.
It feels good to air out my experiences. So this is what I'll be doing here. Thanks for reading this.