Below are eight original pieces of art (that are photographed and edited). I will scan these sometime this week and show you what the prints will look like, precisely.
I am creating an ebook currently around the phases of the lunar cycle. These will be my illustrations. I have always found a lot of peace from looking up. I used to live outside (for months on end, on months, on months) -- and looking up at the moon every night, under my tarp --- gave me hope, in the most hopeless of times. I hope you can feel this.
So this series is dedicated to change, cycles, growth, evolution, and creating. Creating for the sake of creating, and not caring about my image any longer. Instead I am crafting a life, a person, someone who is multidimensional. Someone who is assertive and is in full control of life.
I am creating a life for myself -- not for others, anymore.
When I was a child -- I thought.
I'll never become like them.
I'll never be like my parents.
I'll never treat myself like my parents treated me, as a child.
And all of a sudden, my body grew up, and I was "free".
I was out from under the roof of my parents.
Yet; their words echo'd in my ears.
"All you want is attention."
whenalliwantedwastobeheardtobelistenedto.
"You are so dramatic"
Itistrue.
"This isn't real."
"You are a bad historian"
Mymindissaneandrational.
"Just be normal." which was code for [anyone but me and my interests].
"Art school will make no money."
whenthetruthis,iamreallycool.
I remember crying to a friend in ninth grade.
I told her that my parents wouldn't let me become an actress.
My parents wouldn't let me go to NYU Art School.
I was sobbing.
There was a part of me that shut down.
I believed that to be true.
Because they said I couldn't.
I couldn't.
I believed my father. I believed that he was to tell me what I could --- and thereby could not do in my future career and I was to follow his lead -- and listen to him.
Because he knew best, according to him.
and when I told him my ideas.
He laughed.
He told me I would never write a book.
I was to become a lawyer, a doctor or and find someone that would pay me. I was smart, but I wasn't stable. Somewhere where I could be stable, because I needed someone else to create stable for me. [implying that I couldn't be stable on my own].
"My emotions get the best of me."
what if my emotions were the best of me?
what if instead of shaming them; I acknowledged them.
what if I let them out, and learned to harness them.
what if I refused to be afraid of them, and learned to control the chaos instead.
maybe I could open the bag? maybe I could feel?
maybe I could begin to take control?
and as I began to take control.
others fell into their ruts.
and tried taking the reins, as they have always done?
STOP.
I reject this pattern.
I reject this image.
I reject the notion that I can't control my own life.
I reject the notion to live passively any longer.
I AM TAKING CONTROL AGAIN.
I am learning how to respond to myself.
I am learning to respond to the world.
I am learning who I am.
I am answering phone calls.
I am listening to voicemails.
I am answering emails.
I am becoming a bitch.
I am using my voice.
I am learning to control my words.
I am learning to speak eloquently.
I am learning to articulate myself.
I am learning from the chaos.
I am learning from my mistakes.
I am learning from my reactions.
I might make a mistake.
I am speaking anyways.
I might spell a word wrong.
I am writing anyways.
I might be perceived as a bitch.
I am telling my truth anyways.
I am owning myself.
Flaws, failures, hopes and dreams.
I am taking control of myself.
Welcome to a new cycle.
Welcome to the dark side of the moon.
Welcome to a new era, the first era.
Where I really take control of myself and in my life.
