It is not that I am not attracted to men or that I haven't tried, I just....can't.
So, as you may know if you follow me and read my blog about being a slut in my past, I still have enjoyed sex. I just never had penetrative orgasms. (and often none at all, almost always really) Why I still enjoyed sex is complicated and not what this blog is about. I like sex with my partner because I like the closeness and still get excited. And when they are a good lover, I get off, clitorally. But, why i wanted to have sex with people I didn't know that well, why I was promiscuous? I don't know maybe I had unresolved issues or maybe I just found it exciting for other psychological reasons, maybe both?
I can and do have clitoral orgasms
Though I haven't been having sex due to IC related pain I do and have masturbated, usually with toys and am capable of a clitoral orgasm. But most guys aren't satisfied with this. They feel they are failing when I can't get off from penetration and I feel like I am failing and often times both of us are left unsatisfied. I have often wondered what it feels like for other women when they get off from their "G-spot" or why I am not experiencing it. It's not something I have ever talked about much as it's kind of embarrassing but I have definitely though about it enough.
I wondered if it was something to do with my childhood sexual trauma, or just my anatomy, or maybe that trauma broke me? I honestly have no idea. But the more I started looking into it, googling and what not, the more I found I wasn't alone. Many women were anonymously asking what was wrong with them for not being able to have orgasms during penetrative sex. I wonder now how many women are experiencing the same thing I am and just not talking about it, maybe even faking orgasms? I have never tried to fake it and am always up-front about what I can/cannot do sexually and what I need to get off...which is a specific type of clitoral stimulation, and sometimes a little butt stuff.
I don't think this means sex can't be fun and enjoyable
One thing I have tried to explain to my partners is that I still enjoy sex even though I don't necessarily get-off the same way, or as easily as other women. I still have animalistic urges. I still enjoy passion and excitement. I still get turned on and I can still get off. (this is all disregarding my current and recent issues with medical stuff that makes me unable to have painless sex) I don't feel I am really missing out because I have never experienced whatever I am missing. The only reason I am self-conscious about it is because I know it's a thing and a lot of men have been unsatisfied because of it.
Maybe there needs to be less focus on the penetration in general? I know, personally, a lot of my sex has been lacking in foreplay and clitoral stimulation. I also wonder how much my nerves have to do with it. I read that being nervous during sex can cause women not to orgasm and I am usually nervous. I don't know. I don't know the answer to why I seemingly have no G-spot and I don't know if it'll ever change but I felt like writing about it after finding out many other women are silently worried about their lack of orgasm in the bedroom.
Oh, another thing, if your partner wants it try being open to toys in the bedroom.
I once got dumped by a guy for owning a vibrator and had several partners that were anti-toys. Some women need that extra help, it doesn't mean they don't like you inside them and don't enjoy having sex it just means their anatomy is a bit different than whatever you are used to dealing with. Try being open-minded. That's always my motto in the bedroom. I once let a guy pie me in the face during sex because that was his thing. Did I get off on it? No. But he did, and I laughed.
Photos:
https://www.pexels.com/photo/woman-girl-nails-sexy-17725/
https://www.pexels.com/photo/girl-woman-glasses-smiling-27882/