“I want to learn from you, I don’t want to learn with you.” This is what one of my neighbour used to say and Every time she says this, I’m left scratching my head. What does that even mean? I’ve spent a lot of time trying to figure it out, but honestly, the more I think about it, the more confused I get.
See, none of us really know what marriage is going to be like before we jump in. It is one of those things you can only fully understand by living through it. Sure, we all have ideas or expectations, but real-life marriage doesn’t come with a manual. We are all just learning as we go. So, when someone says they want to learn from me, It makes me wonder. How can someone learn from a learner? I’m still figuring things out myself!
Though She is younger than me, but she has been married two years longer than me. So, in a way, she is ahead of me in the experience department. But experience isn’t always about time, is it? Sometimes, it’s about how much we have learned and how much we have grown. And the truth is, when I look at her marriage, I see a lot of challenges. Her husband is older than her, but emotionally, he is still a boy. He hasn’t really matured into the man she needs him to be. So when she says she wants to learn from me, maybe what she is really asking is, How do you deal with living with someone who isn’t fully ready for what marriage requires?
I can’t claim to have all the answers. I laugh at the idea, honestly. Who am I to teach her anything about enduring? I’m still learning myself, still navigating the ups and downs. But what I do know is this, marriage isn’t about one person having all the answers. It’s about both people learning and growing together. It’s about sharing the experience, the struggles, and the growth.
That is the thing. It’s together that we learn. We don’t have to go through this journey alone, and we shouldn’t. I can’t be the one who just has all the wisdom because, honestly, I don’t. We are all in this together, figuring it out, day by day.
So when she says, “I want to learn from you,” I just laugh. Because who am I to teach her about enduring? I’m still figuring out my own marriage. But if there is one thing I’ve learned, it’s that the real strength in marriage comes from growing together. It’s not about enduring alone or having all the answers, it’s about supporting each other through the hard times and learning side by side. Maybe that is the lesson I want to share with her, after all, don't just focus on surviving, focus on growing together.
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