I have been in this same boat as you my friend. I knew from a very young age that I gay. I felt ashamed and hid it from everyone just like you have. Then when i moved away from home at the age of 21 I found the freedom to really experience what gay life was all about. My parents were in Cape Town and I moved to Johannesburg. A few months afterwords i met someone and we fell in love. I didnt want to hide him or my relationship with him but i felt very afraid of what my parents would say. I came to a point eventually where I felt that I cant live a secret life like this anymore. So I called my mom and told her I was gay. She told me that she already knew and that it doesnt change who I am. I am still the same son I was before I told her and she loves me no matter what because I am her son. So our parents love us my friend and they very rarely react the way we think they will. Its normal human nature to think the worst will happen. Besides, moms have a sixth sense about these things. So deep down Im sure your mom already knows to. So my advice would be to tell your mom coz she loves you so Im sure she wont reject you. She seems loving and caring if you are livng with them now. Once you get that hurdle out of the way you will feel better about yourself and your self esteem will drastically improve. That will help you to be more positive and you will have the courage to go out there and find the job of your dreams. Good luck my friend. I hope this has been helpful. I did it so you can to.