I wasn’t the one for you, and at first it hurt. But I’ve come to terms with the fact the stars weren’t aligned for us, and that’s OK. It took me a while to get to this point of content and there are things I want you to know:
I realize I wanted things I couldn’t have.
I wanted late mornings and nights in your embrace, I wanted to go on drives with you, and to laugh with you because I love seeing you smile. I wanted to give myself to you, to tell you how guarded I am and then let you in because I wanted you to be able to see a part of me that no one else does. I wanted to know more about your childhood and how you grew up to be who you are. I wanted to know your goals and aspirations, your personal heroes, and most importantly, I wanted to be yours. I wanted it so badly, but you didn’t choose me.
You missed out.
I could have given you everything and more. You didn’t even give me a chance, which if you did you would find I hate the feeling of velvet and that I’m the most claustrophobic person in the world. I publicly embarrass myself on the regular. I love to sing in the shower, I would dance with you in a torrential downpour because I'm a hopeless romantic, and that I have the ability to eat a pint of mint chocolate chip ice-cream without shame. I am who I am--no excuses, and I know you appreciate real people. If I learned anything about you… I did learn that. You would never have to question my loyalty to you, but I guess now you never will.
But, most importantly:
Thank you for not choosing me
I never thought I’d say these words, but thank you for breaking my heart and not choosing me. I realize that, because of you not choosing me, it’s going to be amazing when I’m someone else’s first choice.
One day, someone is going to feel for me the way I felt for you and you’ll be nothing more than a distant memory.
Thank you for coming into my life and making me realize that I am as strong and independent as I hoped I could be. For that, you taught me to choose myself, and I’ll continue to do that until someone comes around and makes me realize why it didn’t work out with you.
All this time I asked myself “what is wrong with me?” and “what does she have that I don’t?” and I realized that it has nothing to do with that. I wasn’t what you wanted, and that’s fine. You made me realize that I am going to be the perfect fit for someone else, and that someone is going to come along and choose me without thinking twice.
And just so you know, I didn’t necessarily choose you either — my heart did.
- 💓