I think that at least once in their life, or sometimes during their whole life, people wonder how to be happy. Me too.
My personal FAQs are:
Is happiness a question of luck?
Does happiness depend on money?
Is happiness a state of mind?
Is happiness a long lasting condition or just a set of moments, hard to remember once over?
We all know that life is not easy for everyone and sometimes talking about happiness sounds like inappropriate, but how is it possible that people who have nothing often have a positive approach to life despite everything?
Surfing the web I found a list of 15 things people should give up to be happy (source: purposefairy.com). I found it interesting not because I think it’s a sort of “treasure map” or a prescription to find happiness, but because It contains a list of bad habits to avoid in order to have a positive approach to everyday life’s situations. This approach, if practiced, can lead you to self improvement and above all to take the life easy as much as possible.
I summarized the points:
1) Give up your needs to always be right Why do we hate so much the idea of being wrong? Sometimes to the point of destroying friendship, love, relationships? Is it a question of pride? Is it our Ego so big? In the end simply it’ s just no worth it. Try to analyze situations from different point of view, and accept errors!
2) Give up your need for control Accept the fact you can’t control situations and persons! People are made to be free. Allow people to be who they are and not who you want them to be. Don’t try to control every single moment of your life. This way you’ll force your life and you’ll lose the pleasure of unexpected things
3) Give up on blame Stop considering other people or situations the responsible for what you have and you don’t, and for how you feel and you don’t feel. Take on your own responsibility. Take the lead! I think that we often give the responsibilities of our failures or unhappiness to external actors. It’s basically a defense mechanism. This attitude carries with it many difficulties as for example: -We are often so busy to find a guilty party that we forget to search the cause of the situation; -We assume the position of the victims that makes us feel secure and convince us that we don’t have to change anything leading us to immobility; -We can’t find a solution to the problem because we don’ understand which is our role in the situation and how we can influence it.
4) Give up your self-defeating self talk Let go away negative and counterproductive thoughts. Don’t believe everything your mind tells you. Eckhart Tolle said: “The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very distructive. To put it more accurately…you usually don’t use it at all. It uses you.”
5) Give up your limiting beliefs About what you can do or you can’t. About what you think It’s possible or not. Right now don’t allow your thoughts to block you in the wrong place. Open your wings and fly! Albert Einstein said:”Only those who attempt the absurd can achieve the impossible.”
6) Give up complaining Stop complaining about all things, people, situations that make you feel unhappy, bummed out, sad. No one can make you unhappy unless you let him. Never understimate the power of positive thinking.
7) Give up the luxury of criticism Stop the need of criticizing things, persons, situations just because they are different from you or how you expected to be.
8) Give up your need to impress others Stop trying to be someone else hoping to be liked by others. It doesn’t work. Be and accept yourself!
9) Give up your resistance to change Change is something good. Change will move you to point A to point B. Don’t’ resist to change! Stay light, Stay open, stay flexible.
10) Give up labels Try to open your mind. Don’t reject things just because you don’t know them.
11) Give up your fears Don’t create fake fears. Take the chance to prove yourself not giving up!
12) Give up your excuses Work to improve yourself not to find excuses for everything that often are unreal.
13) Give up the past It is an hard point. Especially when the past is so secure and the future seem so uncertain. But remember that the only thing you have is the present. You should learn from the past but not to be influenced by it.
14) Give up attachment “Letting go gives us freedom and freedom is the only condition for happiness.” Thich Nhat Hanh.
15) Give up living your life to other people’s expectations Many people don’t live their own life. They live according to other people’s expectation, according to what other people think is better for them. So they stop to concentrate attention on their own needs, desires, objectives.
Believe it or not I think happiness is something to work on, especially with a positive mind-set. Ultimately there is nothing to lose by trying!