Today is one of those days where grief stops hiding and comes alive in my bones.
The thing about grief is you never know when it will reappear again. Losing someone you love doesn't have a map, or a guideline. There's no set process to follow for the pain to go away. It's messy, slow and fast, silent and noisy all at the same time. It aches deep in your belly, and you feel it in your chest. An aching that knows no end. Some days grief sits on your shoulders waiting to whisper in your ear and remind you of your loss, it triggers you with songs and photos, habits and places. With phone calls and visits you can't make. Other days grief rips into your chest, and explodes out of your heart, your eyes can't keep up with the tears that need to be cried. There is nothing else that exists except you and the magnitude of your loss.
When we lose someone we love, whether through death or separation, we lose a part of our life. A part of our identity. We lose a chunk of our world, and where they were there is a void we can never make the same again. It will be there for the rest of our lives- in one way or another.
Grieving isn't about getting over it- you never get over losing someone you love, grieving is about learning to live with it. Learning to carry this pain, until in it's own time it's ready to transform. Even in our darkest nights we must remember that eventually our loss will transform into something else. Eventually we will remember the good times, and laugh and smile instead of weep and bargain with the universe for just one more day. Eventually we will go to sleep at night, and our eyes will be dry. Eventually we will wake up and be grateful that we are alive. Eventually the pain of what we lost, will become the love of what we did have. Eventually, we will be made stronger by that which nearly destroyed us. Eventually a whisper of their name will fill us with love not overwhelming pain. Eventually we will smile and look back fondly at our memories. Eventually our heart will beat without aching.
All we can do is hold on, be patient, be kind and let ourselves feel all of the emotions that make us human. To grieve means you knew how to love. Our pain in losing someone, is a contrast to the depth of our love. Grief is just the natural consequence of love, the after effect, and really, as horrible and painful as it is, it's a small price to pay for having experienced the greatest feeling of all.
If you're grieving, honour that space, and let it all out. Do not be afraid of the darkness, do not be scared of its weight. In your darkest hours just hold on and trust that one day, your eventually will come.