This was a no win scenario – for either of us. And it sucked.
If I stayed - her world was not mine. I didn't fit into her world. Her world was full of Guy the prick, for starters.
I could possibly ending up resenting her from thwarting my wanderlust, my mission to see the world and all it has to offer.
And I would hate for that to happen.
Or she traveled with me, of which I am sure she could not be happy – whether I was there or not.
I loved her enough already not to do that to her. It would be cruel, almost.
"Babes, " I said looking down into her eyes - full of not thought through, excitement. "I can't stay, as wonderful as that sounds right here, right now."
"I knew you were going to say that," She replied, sadly. Her voice low. "It's shit, isn't it?"
"We have now, babes" As I unzipped her dress, kissing her neck gently, breathing over her perfect skin.
She held me to her. " I want you to go, tomorrow morning. First thing." She said, sadly.
"I understand, beautiful," And I did. Staying would only delay the inevitable.
Moving away, she took my hand, and led me to the bed.
We were both in a quiet, sombre mood, not hot and playful, like before. We were both sad.
We didn't make love that night, we just held each other.
Even my very reliable erection had taken a holiday.
We fell asleep, me spooning her, cupping her breast, her gorgeous scent filling my nostrils.....
As we woke, We were still in the same position.
My erection had returned from vacation, and was pressing against her.
Twiggy was also stirring awake, and by the pushing back of her perfect arse against me, she was more than aware of my state..
I didn't leave first thing, after all.
In fact I stayed until early afternoon, our hours together filled with non stop lovemaking, showering, fucking, more lovemaking, and enjoying each others bodies in every way possible.
We both seemed to suspend reality, and revel in the now, putting off later, until later.
With us both completely satiated, and several orgasm's later, the quiet mood once again returned.
We both knew this was it. This was goodbye. We were both happy in our sadness.
" So My gorgeous traveler, where are you going next?" she said, as we lay in bed, naked.
"Italy, I suppose," Replying. "Never been there, don't speak the language, have no money. What could possibly go wrong?", I laughed. And I meant it, there wasn't any fear, only excitement.
We showered, and cuddled, and then We dressed.
"I have some money, I can give you, Mr traveler, it's no problem," She said, as we gathered my thing, putting them in my rucksack.
"Fuck off, " I said, jokingly. "I didn't come here for your money, babes."
Strangely enough, that was an initial, albeit small, motivating factor, for making this trip to see her. It most definitely wasn't anymore.
It didn't want her money. I wanted this memory.
"Well, fuck you to!" She laughed back, "At least I'm going to give you something for your travels, my darling."
She then proceeded to empty her cupboards of any food that she thought would be useful to my journey.
And also a 12yrs old bottle of scotch.
And some beer.
And a little bit of grass.
We stayed upbeat, as evey thing came to its inevitable conclusion. We were both putting that moment off. We both knew we were both putting it off.
I made to move, she held me. " Are you sure I can't change your mind?".
I smiled. We both new the answer.
I could see a tears in the corner of her eye. One to match my own.
Quietly we went down in the elevator, holding hands.
"I'll remember this last two days, forever, you know that?" she said, looking up at me. "You have no idea what this means to me."
"I do babes. I really do. One day I'm going to tell the world about this. About us."
We kissed, and held each other, for a long time. Still putting the moment off.
I pulled away, mustering all my will power.
"Ok, gorgeous, I'm going," Giving her one last kiss, smelling her one last time.
She stuffed something into my pocket "Take it, and if you ever need to or want to, call me, I'll be here" Smiling up at me, tears in her eyes. "I so love you"
"I love you to beautiful." I walked away, not looking back. I knew she was looking at me.