Writing helps me to formulate my thoughts. I put them on a screen, and then I am able to see them. I can try to formulate them better. Maybe use different words… etc. Today I decided to write about an anger. I am the guy, who struggles with this emotion quite a lot. Of course, I do not want that to be true, so I had an idea. Why not to write about it? Why not to see, what I actually think about my anger? Maybe I will find some interesting things while looking at my thoughts, who knows :-) So here it is.
Sometimes, this emotion just takes control over me. And that is not good. In that moment I respond with emotional reaction which often damages relationship with whoever am I speaking with in that particular moment, rather than improving it.
There was one great advice which helped me tremendously in order to understand my anger and eventually get it under control.
Separate people from problems.
First time I heard this sentence I was like: “What the hell that even means?” Basically what it means (at least I think) is that when somebody is angry at you they are angry because of the problem which they have, not because you suck as a person.
Good example of this may be following scenario: Imagine that you come to the parking lot in the morning and you see that your car is damaged. That makes you angry. Your wife than calls you, and your respond to her is an anger. She doesn’t know why are you angry, and it is highly likely that she will conclude that you are angry at her, because she lack the knowledge about the situation which made you angry at the first place.
You are always angry because of the problem you have, not because of people connected around you.
This made me realise one really important thing. When I feel anger, I know there is a problem, which I am unable to solve or face. One more time. When I feel anger, I know that there is a problem which I am unable to solve or face. It is an indicator of my inability to face or solve some problem.
What it means is that my “problem” with anger does not have to be that bad at all. It actually helps me realise, that there is something wrong, and I should look at it fast. Because if I don’t, I am just a bad company for anybody who accidentally stumble upon me. And that is not a good outcome.
I really believe that I can get to the point, where I can have an option to be angry or not to be angry. Today there are still situations where I feel powerless when it comes to control my anger. But until that day, I can use my anger to identify that there is something wrong with my life and I should pay attention. See, even your weakness can be leveraged :-)
Thank you for reading.