.
My name is on a button
and it's being pushed
and screaming red
and her ears
are steaming now.
.
I'm a button
one of Her Top Buttons
but she doesn't even
know me, she doesn't
care to either
and I haven't done
anything, but I could
and I could
but, on and on here.
.
Now I'm just dancing
on this red stage
and it's falling
into a plastic puddle
bleeding depression
under my tapping feet
without any warnings.
.
Now I'm splayed down
on my back in this pit
gravity got the best of me
and my butt is turning on
a crimson hue of impact.
.
I'm on a button
floating in an ocean
and wondering:
How did I get here?
Who declared her my
commanding goddess?
What did I do,
What can I do?
Glued to a button.
.
JAY
This was written when an old friend I grew up chatting online with and as a pen pal got a girlfriend who no longer let him talk to me. Or mention me at all, apparently.
We had been super close to each other for over ten years, so it really hurt and was hard. There were just so many things we had both been through and understood so much about each other that nobody else could quite understand the same, you know.
This is somebody who was on the other side of the world, we knew we were never likely to meet in real life, she had nothing to worry about like that. And they were always in an open/poly relationship too... it was that I was just off limits, even as an online friend.
Hmph. Yeah, I still think of him often, another ten+ years later. It was like losing a brother and sister you grew up with. They're still always going to be a part of who you are, they were there influencing and helping your most important life changes.
But life is funny like that, it can always be ripped away suddenly out from under your feet.
=
Now back to my life currently, WOAH just when I thought things were getting in order and looking up.. BOOM.
I'm going camping at the end of the month and been getting everything we need and planning the trip with my sister. She has a new boyfriend now, so we have to borrow a bigger tent instead of my small one we usually share. And another air mattress too. But I'm so excited, it seems to be working out better and better!
While I was on the phone with her, somebody came to buy our old loveseats, so I have more camping funds.
And also more room in my house, thank the gods! Hahha.
Now maybe I can rearrange and finally unpack everything.
Since she's bringing her boyfriend down to spend the night before we go camping, that means I also need to finish getting the guest room set up with some kind of bed too, since we couldn't move the couch bed down the hall into it. That had been my original plan when moving, and that's why the loveseats wound up being too crowded in the living room.
Then I noticed that while I've had the dogs locked in the bedroom during the strangers going to be here for under 15mins... the dog bed pillow has gotten wet. Since they usually never have accidents, and I had just taken them outside right before that I didn't understand how this happened.
After my husband took a shower and went to bed I realized it was way more water now than probably a horse could have held in their bladder, let alone my little chihuahua italian greyhound mix. You know that saying about peeing like a race horse? Yeah, this was more liquid than a race horse(or few) and a mini race dog combined, for sure.
The dog bed was completely soaked, I moved it and more water sloshed and puddled in the corners against my bed.
That whole side of the room was flooded.
I'm starting to really freak out, husband hasn't quite understood when I'm saying it's flooded and there's water everywhere and I need help. He just keeps playing on his phone telling me to calm down until he finally hears it sloshing.
We had to start pulling everything out. The water had come through our closet, which is where all my boxes of office stuff were. All my old writing(in pencil and ink that hasn't been typed up) art, letters and books were all in there.
I'm so so so panicking but can't really deal with that yet.
Lucky thing was that I had washed all of our towels today, but it still wasn't enough for the floor. I started throwing blankets down to soak it up too. Then trying to put the used ones into trash bags to keep the water from dripping from the soaked things.
The bottom of our dresser looks soaked but I haven't opened those drawers to see how bad it is yet.
There's sopping destroyed boxes spread out all throughout the house now, that extra space I was so excited about is a disaster zone.
We also had no idea where the water shut off was for this new house, and it was already dark outside. That was an adventure of never even finding it, good thing our rental company and maintenance are so fast. They helped us find it(near where I had been trying to look, hah) and then they showed up within 40 minutes.
Needless to say, now they have all the wall in that closet torn up and our water is off for at least the night. They're supposed to be back with a crew in the morning to fix it all up though.
So tomorrow I'll be doing a lot more laundry.
And going through all these boxes probably crying over losing a lot of memories.
But hey, in the end once I trash the damaged stuff, I'll be back on track to having more empty space.
I guess sometimes life hits that button and gives a push to deal with the things you've needed to before this. I've needed to let go of some stuff, and now it's too late for that to be my own option to choose.
And I know it could be worse, and it will be okay. I just have a bit of work to do. Once everything is dealt with and cleaned up, we're going to be a lot better off so it's a blessing in disguise. Even if I was already worn out and in pain before this, I can handle the new challenge and it will still be all right.
After all, they are still only THINGS even if they're things full of memories, right?
At one point, when I was fighting back the water with the army of towels and blankets and got the idea for plastic garbage bags I asked him to bring me those. He came into the room for only a minute then I heard his phone ringing.
So he goes running back to his desk, slips on the wet tile, tripping and hitting the boxes and furniture. As he's cursing I'm really scared the whole time asking if he's okay and trying to get up and out there as fast as I can without slipping too.
Those few minutes had so many things flashing through my head. I'm still not sure he's okay, but he got up and hid any pains so hopefully nothings broken at least.
He has to take the day off tomorrow now anyway, so we'll see if anything swells up or gives him trouble then.
Thanks for reading! Words are mine. Dog is mine too.
Other pics from Pixabay. Logo gifted by Papa Pepper