The more complex the world becomes the more difficult it is to make sense of it. The bigger the systems the harder it is to know what is the right action to take. It is easy to say that manipulation is wrong when we want to inspire change, but more difficult to really define what is manipulation. To what degree should we accept it? Does being a charming person count for manipulation? Is it okay to tell stories which might not be real? Could possibly write a book on it, I'll keep it short.
As always defining anything comes down to circumstances. When you see your friend about to let go of a chair in order to hang himself, it is a no brainer to tell him that there are more people than you alone that love him and care about his well being, even if you truly believe that you are the only one this asshole has left. After all, saving people from death is a good thing, right?
What about this one. I apply for a job for 3 months period. Knowing my new boss, I lie to him expressing that I am the long term asset they have been looking for. Only to lie so I can get higher salary so I can buy plane tickets to go to Africa to work with people in real need of help. Does the fact that I'm going to help other people excuse my lie? Who says that my boss doesn't deserve honestly and those starving children need to be helped? What if my lying becomes a habit?
It's easy to make excuses for shortcuts in life, often they work, at least seem to. Lying to my boss is a shortcut. I cut my value of honesty and add to the easiness of not needing to work longer period for same amount of money.
I might even be able to tell another lie, that my back hurts and this job just didn't work out for me, as reason for leaving, and my boss just might not be disappointed in humanity. But does it really work to bypass our own values? It might on surface level.
We as human beings are universal. There are certain mechanisms operating inside. They way our brain creates meaning and associations is the same way as our neighbors brain creates meaning and associations. So I succeed with lying to my boss and getting higher salary. Inside my brain has ah Heureka moment. Hey! This works, better save this pattern.
Later on subway, commuting home to girlfriend, after successful job interview I remind myself that It was my round to do the groceries. Being hyped from the success I might think:"Hey, I'm tired. I can just tell her in my happiness I forgot that I has to visit the shop. Maybe she won't be mad." Knowing she is a person of understanding, I can be sure she would be cool and go to shop for me. At home we celebrate and it really is all good.
But in my good night sleep my brain gives enhanced strength to this new pattern of bypassing honesty.
On Saturday I make an easy excuse to my friend why I can't go to his birthday party. Instead of being honest, telling that I'm not interested and see my use of time more valuable watching tv with my girlfriend, I say that my grandma in hospital is not feeling well and I have to go see her, or maybe the last time I saw her alive was the last time. My friend would obviously be sorry for me and understands that I can't come.
All is cool right? No. Observing myself inside I know I'm becoming a person I can't respect. Because deep inside I value honestly. On surface it is easy to keep going like that. React with a lie to make a shortcut. But with every step I fall away from my true being.
Shortcuts are something we look for subconsciously. Often when they work, we keep using them, only later finding ourselves being taken ahold by a demon. Who knows. Maybe I end up like my first friend, hanging on a rope.. That he had seen the damage caused to others. Even more, seen the monster he had become… and therefore stopped loving himself, so much that he truly felt the world would be happier place without him. Whose is it to say that this might not happen to me?
Yea. It might easily be that I one day I confess to my loved girlfriend I stepped on my values. And with conscious decisions we manage to restore my belief in honesty. It might easily be that I stay blind and continue on the dark path. Continuing to lie till I rule the world, only when I really start rotting away of old age, the reality could start to peek in. Only then I might realize, what was it all for? Was it really so important to all those shortcuts? Shortcuts to where? Momentary gain?
Going to help children in Africa was no momentary gain. It was so the love I expressed could be expressed again my their little smiles. So the world would be a happier place. Isn't that what we all are here for? To love and be loved?
Then who was I to fuck over my boss. He gave me the job and high salary, since he believed I have value. That I can make a difference there, as I really said how inspired I am to work there. Could I be honest, could my and his faith in the power of honesty and love grow? For sure fucking him over didn't made him able to trust people more.
Maybe he even decided to start fucking over his new employees himself. Promising a 14 euros in hour, but paying 12 and saying lame excuses that the worker sucked. Maybe he had the strength to overcome trusting a liar and still stay humble. Either way I weakened his belief in love and honesty.
So out of this hypothetical story it makes sense to conclude that if I wanna be certain of success of my values, it is reasonable to not take shortcuts. Whatever the circumstances, win-win can be achieved.
That's it for now. It is important to realize that this all here is just some hypothetical stories. The goal is to get you thinking. When you read you certainly had reactions like.. "What's this bullshit??","He is not making any sense..", "I can disprove this.." Good! Seems like you are thinking. Give me a response so we can have a conversation.
Does this seem like a manipulation? Didn't force anyone to act. More like a stimulation. Our lower brain has all sorts of reactions, that we learn as we grow up. It is up to you to be consciously proactive rather than going "OMG!?! what's this bullshit?" and starting hitting buttons cause I hurt your beliefs, you can stop and ask questions. Like.. I don’t know..
From what perspective is he coming from?
What is he really trying to say?
Give me a response so we can have a conversation.