TO HAVE AND TO HOLD:
WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS ABOUT MARRIAGE
1 Corinthians 7:1-40
In this chapter, Paul, under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit begins a new thought.
"Now concerning the things wherof ye wrote unto me..."
The church folks there in Corinth had written to Paul to ask him about the issue of marriage.
*I. PRIOR TO MARRIAGE
There are several things throughout the chapter concerning dealing with whether or not the unmarried person should be married.
A. It is good for a man not to touch a woman
1 Corinthians 7:1 (KJV)
Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.
I take that verse for just what it says.
Before marriage, a man ought not to touch a woman.
The Greek word for touch here doesn't mean a casual bump as you walk past or something like that.
It is a word with two basic thoughts attachment, and heat.
It is good for a man not to touch a woman in a way that involves a physical attachment, and that creates a heat within you. It is good for a man not to touch a woman in a way that provokes his thoughts sexually.
That can be:
· Sitting close
· Holding hands
· Kissing
· Dancing, and
anything else from there.
B. There are some who may not ever get married
1 Corinthians 7:8 (KJV)
I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I.
1 Corinthians 7:27 (KJV)
Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife.
1 Corinthians 7:32-35 (KJV)
But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord:
But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife.
There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.
And this I speak for your own profit; not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction.
In the days when the Apostles were alive, and for the next 1400 years, being a Christian was a life-threatening thing. There are a number of things that were written in those days about whether a Christian should be married just for the sake of the family if one of the members were captured and killed for his faith.
The Catholic idea of the priests being celibate arose, at least in part, from those types of problems.
Apparently, the members of the Church in Corinth were asking, “Paul, should we get married?”
Paul's answer was this...
“If it is possible for you to serve Christ in purity without marriage, that's good. But, there is also nothing wrong with marriage either.”
In I Timothy, Paul says that the pastor of the church must be the husband of one wife.
While I know single pastors, I personally believe that the Scriptures only qualify a man for the ministry after he has married.
*II. MARRIAGE AND SEXUALITY
1 Corinthians 7:2-6 (KJV)
Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.
The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.
Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment.
While sex outside of marriage is absolutely wrong according to the Bible,
A. Hebrews 13:4 (KJV)
Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.
There are some Christian groups who only believe sex is for procreation of children. That is not true.
Paul says sex in marriage is also to avoid fornication and lust.
B. Proverbs 5:15-20
Drink waters out of thine own cistern, and running waters out of thine own well.
Let thy fountains be dispersed abroad, and rivers of waters in the streets.
Let them be only thine own, and not strangers' with thee.
Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth.
Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.
And why wilt thou, my son, be ravished with a strange woman, and embrace the bosom of a stranger?(KJV)
It is proper and right for a marriage couple to be completely overcome and satisfied with each other.
C. 1 Corinthians 7:2-3
Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.
In the sexual relationship of the home, the man's body belongs to the wife and the wife's to her husband.
That means we ought to sense an holy obligation to satisfy our spouse.
We are to render to the other "due benevolence."In other words, we are to find that which brings the most pleasure to our mate and provide that.
I tell couples in pre-marriage counseling that:
· Men are physical, rational, and want satisfaction.
· Women are romantic, emotional, and want affection.
Women sometimes view their husbands as animals because all they care about almost is the physical aspect of sex. For this reason, if she isn't careful, she will withhold from her husband something he needs from her.
On the other hand, because men are physical and want to be satisfied, they often make the mistake of assuming that if he is satisfied, so is she. Most women would much rather have a long walk in the park than the physical aspects of sex.
Men, if we do not give to them the affection they need, they will feel used in the sexual relationship.
III. WHAT ABOUT DIVORCE?
1 Corinthians 7:10-16 (KJV)
And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband:
But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.
But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.
And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.
For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.
But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.
For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?
Jesus told the Pharisees that Moses had suffered the Jews to divorce because of the hardness of their hearts, but that from the beginning God's plan was that one man would be married to one woman for all their lives.
The ideal is still one man, one woman, for one life time.
On the other hand, it is as true today as it was in Moses' day, that man's heart can be hard. Because of that, divorce is a fact of life.
While I know that 1 Corinthians 7 speaks specifically about the marriage relationship of a believer with an unbeliever, I think the principles can go beyond that.
A. There is never a reason a marriage has todivorce.
Vs 10
And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband:
You don't have to divorce an unsaved spouse.
For that matter, you don't have to divorce an unfaithful spouse.
And it would be much better, if it is at all possible, not to divorce.
While a person does not even have to divorce an abusive mate, I would say that is one case where the spouse maybe should depart from the home.
But you never have to make the choice to divorce.
B. The presence of one that is godly in the home serves to sanctify the home for a special work from God
Vs. 14
For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.
For that reason, if it is possible to stay in the home, I recommend it.
The word, sanctify means:separated to God.
It does not mean that an unsaved husband is saved just because he is married to a saved woman.
It means that God separates that unsaved husband to special works of God in an effort to bring him to salvation.
If the mate is saved, but not right with God, if they are still in the home with the one who is right with God, God pulls out the stops in an effort to bring him around to get things right.
And then there are the children. They are separated to be dealt with for salvation and special favor from God when there is a parent in the home who is saved.
So it is always my recommendation that a married couple stay together if at all possible.
C. If a divorce occurs the first priority is reconciliation.
Vs. 11
But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.
As long as there is any possibility of the marriage being reconciled, the Christian ought to seek that first.
I am of the opinion at this point, that when there is no possibility for reconciliation, (the other gets remarried) then the believing mate is released from the relationship to remarry:
· Only in the Lord, and
· Only after considering the idea of not getting married again.