"Mum, look. I found a shell. It's still attached in the middle. Looks like a girls bra. *giggles".
My responds? None.
Questioning what to respond as a woman who wears 'girls bras'.
As a woman who has lived through abuse by men.
As a woman who has been disrespected by men.
As a woman who has been attacked by men.
As a woman who has been judged by men for being a woman.
As a woman who has done the work daily for years to create a healthy intimate relationship with a man while being single to date.
As a woman whose intend it is to have a healthy relationship to her son and to raise a healthy man who respects and loves himself and of course has respect for women.
As a woman who has her own healing inner child within herself.
"Boys", I hear people say.
Some may have wise advice and guidance, others say nothing, others
Parenting is not always black and white.
Parenting is "figuring it out" sometimes, not having the answers straight away, sitting with it, getting advice, learning from others, leaving it and see what unfolds.
As Kimberly Rogers just wrote: they did not come with a manual.
Some moments I wish they would have, merely because I hoped I would be able to stop other people's judgements. After reading her post I realise: "That is exactly why they do not come with a manual."
They were never intend to come with a manual otherwise they would have! They don't come with one because every child is different and every parent is different. Not one child needs what another needs (look at love: there are 5 different love languages. What does it mean to feel loved to your kid?)
Kids are not TVs. Nor are we parents. We are humans and
KIDS ARE HUMANS, TOO.
We have to come from a place of doing the inner work: am I coming from a place of being triggered or an empowered clear space?
What are my intentions?
Such tiny things can leave life long influences on our children. Nothing that cannot be shifted, yet, if you can prevent it, go for it, I say.
As to this example: I do not know the answer yet.
I trust it will come to me at the right time!
Finally, I would like to talk about the parenting style where kids are being left in their bedrooms or cots while the parent sits right next to it and they let the child cry it out.
To me, this is neglect.
Have you ever had an inner child healing with yourself where your child wanted you to turn around with your back towards them while they "cried it out?".
Dare to have a look at your own parenting flaws. NONE of us is the perfect flawless parent we would like to be. None of us.
We are humans.
Kids are humans, too.
They have needs, they have boundaries, they learn/grow/change and evolve and sometimes what we see in them is us and what we think they need is what we need ourselves.
It's tricky terrain. Hence why parenting advice triggers every parent.
Hence why listening is better than giving advice.
Shells stand for listening.
Listening to our children.
"What is going on for you? Help me understand."
Do you hear them?