Hi Hive account@worll ! I hope you feel better sharing your stories. I had depression twice, not as strong as yours.. what really helped me was running and acupuncture. Running is an amazing way of changing thoughts... and even if you feel trapped, run faster and all the good enzymes and endorphins will give you a sensation of pleasure that gradually will make you feel better and calm. I am reading this book: The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment by Eckhart Tolle.. This is actually great! If you learn how to focus on your present, a lot of your fears will disappear. see you soon x