"You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in Your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed." (Psalm 139:16)
After things I've been through for the past few days, it seems that it's not me anymore. My mood became worse and thoughts were jumbled. After losing something I almost had I think I will never be me again.
If you had read my first steem you'll follow my story. A story that I weeped and a story I ought best not to keep. For days being alone in my room, I realized that beside being alone , I need to be somewhere I could see hope and beauty from God. A place which will remind me often that "there is no coming to consciousness without pain" by Carl Jung.
I want to help myself embrace hope as you do the hard work of grieving in the painful aftermath of miscarriage. I knew Grief takes time- it happened to me many times and I should get used to it that healing is a process and I should give myself the space and grace to mourn.
I gave myself time to read and research on how I could move on. I've read a n article that hits me more. Let me share you something I've read from an author named Teske Drake.
Common Reactions to Miscarriage
- Anger. Sadness and depression. These feelings are normal after a miscarriage, but you may also experience:
- Confusion. You may be questioning the cause of the miscarriage. You may also be wondering who, what, or whether to tell others. The painful grief of miscarriage is just as heartbreaking as the loss of a full-term baby. However, people often fail to reach out and give the same comfort and support or they may expect the mother to recover quickly and “try again,” and that can deepen your pain and confusion.
- Jealousy. The mere sight of a pregnant woman may cause feelings of envy. You may experience jealousy of close friends or family members who are expecting, even while simultaneously feeling genuine happiness for them.
- Guilt. It is typical to wonder if you did something to cause the miscarriage or if there are thing you could’ve done differently while pregnant. Often, there is no explanation for miscarriage.
- Failure. As a mother and as a woman. You may experience negative feelings about your body “failing” to carry this child to term.
- Questioning God. You may feel as though God is distant, doesn’t care, or question why He allowed such a painful experience to occur. While we don’t know all the answers to these questions, we know that in the same way your heart hurts for your baby, God’s heart hurts for you. He will see you through this loss and give you hope again.
The painful grief of miscarriage is just as heartbreaking as the loss of a full-term baby.I truly agree for this reaction because I feel all of them until now. Howeve I know that I am not alone in these thoughts and questions. Even women who were actively trying to get pregnant struggle with similar concerns as they search to make meaning out of something so senseless. Thosequestions and feelings are quite normal and I am not a terrible person for questioning God for pondering these tough thoughts as I process the pain.
Whatever the future might be I rest my case to the Almighty God because I believe in a verse of Psalm 139 tells of God’s intimate knowledge of each and every one of us, with verse 16 affirming that He knows the number of our days, before even one of them begins.