For some people, knowing their sexual orientation was never a problem, but for others, the whole process of finding the right label was a rollercoaster, to the point that many people still see themselves in the dark when it comes to answering that question after years of doubt.
On my previous post I talked about the different types of attraction. If you read it, you might remember that I mentioned a couple times how different sexual and romantic attraction are, and how often people take them both as one or mistake one for the other.
Typically, I’d explain that your sexual and romantic orientation refer to the gender(s) or sex(es) that you may be sexually and romantically attracted to, based on your own gender; however, I want to add to it that these are also linked to the intensity with which you feel these types of attraction.
A person can experience no sexual attraction, but still experience romantic attraction, just like it is possible for someone who doesn’t experience romantic attraction to experience sexual attraction.
So, actually, the usual "straight" and "gay" orientations aren't the only ones out there to explain someone's attraction towards someone else, and there are other concepts like asexuality, graysexuality and demisexuality, applicable as well to romatic orientation that many don't even know exist.
The Basics:
- A heterosexual/heteroromantic person feels sexually/romantically attracted to people of gender other than their own.
- A homosexual/homoromantic person experiences sexual/romantic attraction towards people of the same gender as their own.
- A bisexual/biromantic person feels sexually/romantically attracted towards people of their own gender as well as to people of genders other than their own.
- A pansexual/panromantic person feels sexually/romantically attracted to someone regardless of their gender identity.
- A polysexual/polyromantic person feels sexual/romantic attraction towards people of multiple (but not all) genders.
- An asexual/aromantic person doesn't experience any sexual/romantic attraction at all.
- A graysexual/grayromantic person rarely ever experiences sexual/romantic attraction.
- A demisexual/demiromantic person only is able to experience sexual/romantic attraction towards somebody after a strong emotional bond is developed.
It is normal not to know what your sexual or romantic orientation is, and you must remember that you do not need an actual label to be happy or to be yourself.
For example, I only started using the word “bisexual” to describe myself about three years ago, though I have experienced romantic and sexual attraction towards both girls and boys since I can remember. Nobody ever asked what my orientation was when I was younger, people assumed that I was straight and nobody ever talked about it at school or at home.
In my case, it wasn’t as easy as “I like girls and boys, and it means I’m bisexual, done.” Sometimes I still question if I might also be demisexual, and I wonder if I’m only bisexual, thinking I might really be pansexual, and that’s okay.
It is normal to feel confused sometimes, and in the world we live in, I dare to say that it's almost impossible not to. You certainly don't need a lable, but if you feel you do, then it's important for you to try and find out where you might "fit".
I say it's fine if you don't feel ready to use an exact word for it, and it's okay to take your time to get to know yourself. We humans are complex beings, and we might not always have an immediate answer when we're asked about our sexuality.
What do you think about labels?
Previous LGBTQ+ Talk editions:
What's the difference between sex and gender? | Sex, gender identity, gender expression, and more!
The Transgender umbrella and non-binary gender identities | Female and male are not it!
Guide to start being a trans ally | Basic manners, gender neutral pronouns, and more!
The different types of attraction | It’s not all about sex and romance!
