Thursday, 19th October, 2017.
05.32
Here I am again. Waiting for the train to leave. I'm glad I've scraped this second day in. The week was seeming so non-productive. It seems, for every piece of good news at the moment, there is a lump of shit to go with it. Friends with heavy situations, others with "death in family" imminent. Life's a grind, a constant battle.
Bottom line, a right cunt.
https://open.spotify.com/track/164fXVq2STSUorItsuHg6o06.09
The usual battle between dark and light ensues. Weak minded fool! What's the point in repeating myself. See yesterday, same time.
06.36
I Fucking knew it!(......and I'm the one standing next to you!)
Ok. To be fair on myself, I'm more sociopathic. It's all about acceptance.
Instead of standing here smoking tabs, I should head over to London Bridge, I suppose. It's why I'm here after all. Tedious.
"I'm the seer of my own twisted tale. Ready to inflict it on anyone. Pain? Let me show you something...."
09.55
We ripped up a whole office floor and put it all back again before 8am. Then we drank coffee for an hour. When I say we, I mean me and my boss, Dave. "Boss" is also wrong as I've known him for 15+ years. Let's say, friend who pays me to do work.
10.53
I'm back at Waterloo now. My hands are pretty scratched up but that's life. All part of being a cable gimp.
I refuse to believe that times can become any more desperate than they are right now! My focus must hold steady on Sonny's visit and my luck. BELIEVE IN IT!! It's got me out of many holes, so why not now? There is a certain mindset that manifests it. It's not a feeling, or a thought. It's tough to explain. I've just got to remember the signs. I've got to look out for the signs.
11.29
"I think my thumbs have gone weird.", Ha! It's difficult to grasp any concept when sitting near people who talk mindless drivel. I'm sure people say the same when listening to me, but that's their problem. Just to clear things up. The above quote is from Withnail & I. That wasn't said. Repeating, whatever, Shite I heard would only send me in search of a very big gun. I'm drinking my favourite train travel drink, M&S Cow Lager. I really need a bloody Mary now though. Extra Tabasco for nasal membrane burning.......
For fucks sake! What is it, with that matt, thick foundation some girls like to wear? It just looks freaky! It's not mimicking any complexion, in the history of time.
I'm probably just getting old. Whatever happened to girls in v-neck M&S jumpers, black mini skirts and tights and Doc Martens? Lots of black eyeliner and beautiful lips.......
MMmmm, I feel all funny. Kinda dreamy, all of a sudden.
"OI!!!".......and,.........I'm back in the room?! Train! Yes. Train.
Pfft. Fuck reality!
11.57
After spending quite a lot of time in thought. I came back to my senses. The good thing is, I have "that" feeling. That feeling that you can't quite put your finger on. A mix of anxiety and excitement.
Fuck, or get fucked.
In the words of Frank Booth, "I'LL FUCK ANYTHING THAT MOVES!!". Or in my words, "I'LL BEAT YOU TO DEATH WITH YOUR OWN SHOES!"(I know. I'm obsessed with it. Hide your shoes, if I'm around).
16.58
"Life is a box of chocolates.........".
There was me, having a little happy moment in the way home. I thought,"I know I'll pop into my mums and pick up a couple of letters and tell her that I'll bring Sonny around, Saturday afternoon, so her and my dad can see him".
This passed without incident.
On the way home, I got a call from "Her" mum. As suspected, The "building bridges" actually meant, "I'll say sorry once, then I expect you to analyse everything you have ever said, then apologise to me for 2 hours!"
Sue(her mum), refused. I respect that a lot. They fell out, obviously. After a lot of here and there, I believe Sonny is still coming tomorrow. Sadly, I had to get Louis to make some phone calls. For fucks sake! Louis is 13.
I've learnt from experience that Sonny will be here, if he is here. Nothing is final until the, Crazy, half witted, dilusional, backward, can't live in the present, bitch spouts shit.
Let's watch this space shall we?!
Fuck. I'm so brain twisted, I could almost spend a night in The Beehive!
well,........Almost.