The very first time she came visiting, she paused midway as she was about to enter into my room, as if she was at the wrong place.
"Toyo, Toyo..." she said.
"Yes..." I answered, looking confused as to why she's not entering.
*"Is this your room or your sister's room?
" She asked.
"Of course, this is my room." What's wrong with it.
She smiled, kept mute, and entered. She looked around to find the switch for the bulb and put it on herself, just so she could have a clear look at the room. Not only that, but she touched the wall, the star-shaped ⭐ light I glued to the wall, and then my cotton too.
"Are you sure this is your room?" She asked me again as she looked around the room slowly and then rested her eyes on me.
"Yes now." I responded.
"With all these pink and purple colors..." She said, dragging the word "colors."
"Well, it's what I like." I replied.
"Come, sit next to me." She said and held me by the hand as she sat on the edge of the bed.
I already knew what's happening and where she's driving, but I just wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt and not be too quick to talk. So I sat down next to her, looking a little confused.
"Ok. I'm sorry about this, but, erm... Are you gay?" She asked, looking at me.
The question didn't shock me at all. I already knew that's it.
*"No, I'm not." I responded with a smile.
She looked at me more as if studying me, trying to see if I was lying or not.
After about a minute of silence, she finally spoke up again.
"Are you sure? Cos all this—your setup, color combination, and all—are not guys things, o."
I just smiled, and we continued from that conversation to another and back to it again till she left that day. But then, that conversation didn't end that day... We dragged it on for a long time till she visited again.
And in all honesty, she isn't the first stranger to see me through that lens, but she's the first stranger to be calm about it...to me she was.
Most people have always had their own assumption of me before I even do a thing. Sometimes it's from the way I arrange things; at times it's about how soft I am, sometimes it's about how I love to apologize and thank you, sometimes it's about the way I chat, and all of that. And it's obvious they just have their own version of me, and to them I didn't fit into what a guy/man should be.
I remember a time when a friend of mine came by; we'd seen each other when we were both young, still in primary school then. But we just happened to stumble on each other on Facebook, and I got to know he was in the same state I was, so I asked if he would still be around, and he said he would be for the next month. So, we agreed that he will find a time to come say hi to me before he travels back.
I was at work the day he called to say he was free and would come over because he was traveling the next day, so I directed him to my workplace so we could go home together.
"My Gee, omo, it's been a while, o." He said, smiling, as I was busy with the door lock.
"Aswr, my guy... See how big you are now." I replied.
"Huhm, don't whyne me jare." He said.
"I'm not naw, how's work?" I said as the door flew open.
"Works...." He paused, then continued. "Your room is fine, O."
"Yeah, thanks." I replied.
"But why is it like this?" He asked, looking around.
"Like how?" I asked.
"Are you staying with your girlfriend?" He asked.
"No. Why?"
Well.... That was how it went that day too, and we laughed it off, but then I very well understood what he meant.
They are trying to figure me out, trying to see if I'm lying or not. And one thing about people is that when they don't understand you, they will label you what they want.
About a month or so later, the lady came visiting again; this time she came unawares. She said she wanted to check if I did all that because I knew she was coming then, and I was like..."Me?"
"This is just me; this is who I am. I like a neat and well-arranged space. I like those colors... So what is it?" I told her.
"Are you sure it's not more than that?" She asked, looking serious.
I looked at her, sighed, and replied, "It is serious, but not in the way you're thinking."
She looked at me, expecting me to continue...
"Well, like I said earlier... This is just me. This makes me feel comfortable; I love it. What else?"
"Huhm, it's alright then. I think I'm starting to understand you little by little now." She said.
"That's good; little is enough." I responded.
And that's the thing about a stranger's view. They see a thing and build their own story around it, one filled with assumptions.
To some, I'm too soft to be a man. To some, I'm too lazy to be a man. Some say I'm too girlish. To some, I'm confusing. To some I'm... I don't even know.
But to myself, I'm simply me, myself, and I.
Some people are still struggling to be themselves, and here I am being myself. But because the world has their way of seeing things, the way a thing should be and look like, what you should do and what you should not. If you try to step outside of it, you are seen differently, and immediately you will have a question ❓ tag on your head.
Before she left that day. She looked at me and said...
"People will talk."
"I know, they've been talking." I replied.
"And you're not bothered?" She asked, looking surprised.
"Well, it used to bother me, but not anymore." I said.
"How? Why?" She asked.
"Well, because I realize I'm just being me, and most people aren't seeing the me; they are seeing what they think I should be."
And that was it; she left that day. But something shifted in her...her perspective and views of me.
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Images are AI generated.
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