The Bus I Didn't Board.

I kept wiping off the sweat on my face each time as I made my way down to the bus stop. I would have taken a bike or a taxi down to the bus park, but I thought against it. Not only that, but I need to think things through, and I need time to do that, so it's best to walk all the way to the park.

I held the bag in my hand more tightly together with the transparent file bag that housed my results and important documents. All those documents in the file bag are proofs and evidence that I was once a student, that I had an ND result (National Diploma), and that I couldn't further my academics because life came for me and interrupted my path with illness.

I took a moment out of my thoughts to look around me. I could see the shops that were there years ago, the various buildings, and all that I did see back then while going to school. All were still there, the same with absolutely no changes. People were going up and down, the road was shaky as always, hawkers were doing their things, and transactions were going on.

But I, on the other hand, had changed.

Before I knew it, I was already at the bus park; it was the noise that jolted me back to reality....

"KP straight! KP! KP!" One of the conductors was shouting.

I looked around and I saw the various buses that had lined up, and the different conductors of each were screaming at the top of their voices, all wanting to get passengers to fill their respective buses.

"Am I really going..." I said to myself as if unsure.

"Chairman, how far na own remain o, Uno dey go?" One of the conductors said to me, in pidgin English.

"I dey come abeg." I responded, but my legs refused to act in accordance with what my mouth said.

I managed to drag it—my legs—towards one of the buses. When I got to its entrance, I stopped. I don't know why I couldn't bring myself to enter. I just stood there watching.

Just then, someone came by together with the conductor and brushed me by the side, which made me lose balance.

"Bro, if uno dey go abeg comot for road." The conductor said in pidgin English.

"Ohhh, sorry." I said as I quickly stepped away from the bus.

And there I was standing, looking at how things were unfolding; buses got filled up and left, empty ones came and left, and all, yet I was still there looking. It just felt like I didn't belong in that moment. I saw people laughing, travelers arguing over transport fares, students hugging each other as they met at the bus park, and all of that. Still, it felt like I didn't belong there.

Immediately, my mind did a marathon race back in time to that moment while I was in the hospital bed, a time I wasn't sure if I would be able to be me again. I remember how my dad would always tell me to keep my hopes alive and that I would definitely return to school.

And here I was, supposed to board a vehicle back to school... But it felt somehow.

I looked around, and there were only two buses left. One of the conductors, who I'm so sure has been noticing me since, called out to me to ask if I'm still going or not....

"Guy, na two buses remain for ground o, you still dey go?" He asked me using their regular pidgin English.

I looked at him, looked at the bus, looked at the file in my hand, sighed, then rested my gaze on him again and nodded.... It was a no.

"I'm not going." I said.

"You dey whine, but you dun reach here already naw, wetin sup..." He said in pidgin.

I just smiled at him... He, in turn, just looked away and called out to another potential passenger to come on board.

That was when I stepped back. Enemy though it looked and sounded somehow, I turned away from the park.

"What are you doing? Are you sure about this...?" I asked myself.

Well, I didn't have an answer to it, at least not yet. But I just knew I couldn't keep on forcing myself to go on the path all because it was the road I had always known.

And as I turned, I made my way back the same way I came. I walked back slowly while deep in thought.

I thought about the customization work I had taken my time to learn, the way I got feedback from customers, and the feelings I got from completing and perfecting a work. All those memories all came rushing back.

"Maybe I should just go back, or should I..." I said to myself and paused immediately. I noticed that the woman walking right beside me was starting to stare at me as if I wasn't feeling fine.

I just smiled and made my way back, and for the first time in a very long time, I was happy I wasn't chasing or running in the same direction everyone was going. Not only that, but I'm glad I'm moving differently.

And even though I'm not sure or even know where this path will take me, I already made my choice.

The choice, my choice, obviously wasn't an easy one or one I would expect others to understand... But it was mine.

My choice, not the expected one.

🌹

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