The Dream I Buried. LOH#287

Thinking about it now, I remember some years ago when I felt I had everything mapped out already. Back then it was computer science or nothing. I loved that subject like I loved my life. Everything I do was about it, I talked about it as if its something I'm into already, even my Facebook profile was changed to that, I mean the session of school and what I was studying.

I wasn't even looking any other way, it was computer science or nothing. And each year, unkept on writing the JAMB exam, one that was supposed to launch me into the higher institution of learning if I got the cut off mark for my desired course. And in all honesty, I wasn't a dullard. I kept getting above the cut off mark which was 180. And I did that Jamb four different times. I scored 262, 222, 254 and the likes which were way above the cut off mark, but I wasn't granted admission.

Along the line, I opted for another school and course, I was given admission and I continued, but then I wasn't paying much attention because it wasn't what I wanted. While still in higher institutions, in my first year, almost going to the second year, I wrote the JAMB exam again. This time, the JAMB exam happens to fall on the same day I'm having a school exam in my higher institution. The time almost clashed too. Jamb was 7:00 AM, my school exam was 8:00 AM. And as you would have guessed, the exam centers are different.

I had to rush down to take the jamb exam and then rush back to school to take my school exam too, because it was the promotional exam into the second year. Well, jamb result came out and I scored low, it was 202, which was still above the cut off mark. But then, I wasn't given admission again.

I felt somehow and just wanted to let go, I was almost losing myself. If I keep going like this it's obvious I would become someone I never planned to be, which I don't want.

And while I was battling with all of that, life itself decided to show up and add something more bigger, heavier and weightier to all of the issues in ground, I got stucked with my health. My health began to experience a change that forced me out of school and made me even forget my dream of studying computer science.

I began to visit the hospital like it was restaurant, I had to undergo several surgeries, tests and all. And I can't help but think if things would ever get better.

One certain day while I just sat down to think, I thought about how far life has gone, how my friends had moved on and how life didn't even wait a second for me. I can't keep fighting it, even the course I wanted seems to be far gone... It wasn't so easy to accept it, but it's just the truth. It no longer align with this new me, and I can't keep holding on to something that's long gone. I remember a time when I kept my hopes alive thinking it would still fall into place, but I got tired along the line and just had to free myself.

But then, in all of that my eyes opened to something... Something that was still there waiting for me. And that was how I let go totally of what has left and embraced that which was standing right there in front of me.

Even though it wasn't what I planned. I had to, I had to stop centering my life around that which is long gone and adjust it to what now fits my current path. I went back to school, picked up from where I stopped with that course I didn't really want and began to build again.

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Images are mine.

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