Sitting down to write this post, I'm still catching my breath from being on the roof of my house at 9:45 PM in the pitch black night putting down a tarp because our roof is leaking. It's leaking so badly we need a new roof which will cost thousands of dollars...
We had to poke holes in the ceiling because the water was pooling up there
For me 2018 was yet another cursed year. Ever since we bought our home in 2016 it's like one bad thing after another has happened. This year the worst event was I found out I was pregnant and then had a miscarriage on my birthday and Thanksgiving (my birthday was only a few days before Thanksgiving). I went through a month long depression struggling with the changes my body went through and the pains I felt. My husband and I went on our first vacation in years and it rained the whole time and we had a miserable time. Shortly after that our fridge died. Then, the dishwasher died...both unfixable. Then, the vacuum died. A rat has been eating cartoon looking holes in the walls of hidden spots trying to get in the house and keeps evading our capture. I fixed my car hoping to sell it only for it to die the day the person came to pay for it rendering it unsellable. And now the roof is leaking.
The bad luck comes in bursts, one thing after another testing our ability to keep afloat.
My husband thinks I've gone nuts because I'm convinced our house is cursed. We never had bad luck like this until we moved here. I hear weird knocks late at night in the walls and under the floor of my bed. I don't think the place is haunted. I don't believe in supernatural entities but at this point things are so continually bad maybe our house is cursed or there's an Indian burial ground on our property or something. Or maybe it's just that damn rat...
I got on ebay the other day and bought a box of horse shoes to hang over the doorways. I also bought some Feng Shui coins. I'm going to put them all over the house. The only time we really had peace in this house was during the summer when we had our garden. I've read plants give a place positive energy...maybe in 2019 I should get some house plants....
Not all things were bad...My daughter is a bright little ray of sunshine
While many look forward to 2019 as a new start I dread the new year because I keep wondering what will life throw at us next? I'm working on my dissertation and they want me to finish in March. I am terrified of the constantly ticking clock bringing me closer to March. If I manage to finish then what? I've been a college student for 14 years. Pretty soon I will lose my identity. For the first time in 14 years I won't measure my life in semesters. I won't have a plan and the future is wide open. I don't know where I'll be in August of 2019 when for 14 years August was when the new school year started.
It's terrifying entering the unknown and unexplored. Who will I become in 2019? I don't know. I'm scared to figure that out. I've always had this huge goal (getting my PhD) to work towards and soon that goal will be finished. Then, what will I work towards? What new challenge awaits me in the future? I don't have a plan. I don't know what I want to do.
Maybe I need to be like a duck
My ducks Smokey, Bandit, Sammy, and Reese were another bright spot this year and have brought me unexpected levels of happiness and peace. Those ducks will head off into the woods where unknown creatures may hide. They explore and discover new places to find food and new streams and ponds to swim in. I go chasing after them every time they escape and when I find them they seem so happy frolicking in new places they discover. To me the path in front of them is scary and full of things that can go wrong. Maybe all this bad luck has be paranoid. But to these crazy ducks the path ahead is full of new things to eat and places to be free to live life to the fullest.
Maybe 2019 should be the year of the duck for me. Maybe I shouldn't fear the path ahead but press on hoping for happiness around the next bend in the road. With all the bad luck we've had I can't help but fear the path ahead...