Ooft, that was a sore one.
My brother grunted as the car bounced over a pothole.
Yeah, sorry mate. The roads are terrible for potholes just now.
I said apologetically. Although, truth be told, the pothole had not been a particularly large one.
Aye, it's my arse though. Fucking killing me.
He winced and looked at me as if I knew exactly what he was going through.
Which I didn't.
Ever the detective though, I thought to subtly tease the information out of him.
You been getting humped up the arse by big hairy men? That why it's painful?
I asked diplomatically.
He made an outraged face as if he were getting humped up the arse by a big hairy man.
Fuck off you cheeky wee bastard. It's piles actually.
It was my turn to make a face, which I did with aplomb.
Eeww. You have been getting humped up the arse by piles of hairy men?
He snorted like a man who's arse was killing him and who's younger brother was driving him over bumpy roads in an old car.
Very fucking funny, you wee bastard. I've got piles, ok?
He grumbled, looking out the window as if embarrassed by his own anatomy.
Aw, that's rubbish. Don't worry though, I still love you.
He winced again, this time at the love word.
Very good.
He huffed.
I grinned. I love teasing my brother. It's one of life's few pleasures that for me has never gotten old.
Is there anything they can do for them?
I asked, my voice laden with sympathy and sincerity.
Aye, they gave me a cream for them. I need to apply it every time I do a shite.
Oh. That's... Pleasant.
I said even more sympathetically. Then I furrowed my brow in puzzlement.
Do you have to put the cream... Inside?
I asked delicately.
My brother shook his head in annoyance.
Well. If you must know, aye. A wee bit.
He looked embarrassed. As if the only fingering that brothers should discuss should be those of elaborate suspended minor guitar chords.
You dirty tramp. I bet you love it!
I exclaimed in delight.
Mate, you are disgusting.
He muttered sulkily.
I laughed.
My brother wasn't often right but sometimes he hits the nail right on the head!