STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!
My daughter jumped. I jumped. In fact most people in ear shot jumped. It was a loud shout and we all looked over to see what the disturbance was.
A fierce and red faced woman was hauling at her son's arm. She was employing that whipping a rope technique which seemed to be causing him a bit of discomfort. He looked to be about four.
He was standing next to a display with some free crackers on it to try. The temptation was obviously too much and he tried to reach a hand up again.
His mum (I think?) grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and shouted spittily next to his face that he had better
My daughter looked on agog. I don't think she was used to seeing a parent haul their kid about like a lobster they were pulling out of the sea or shouting at them with a face an aubergine would be proud of.
There is a mischievous streak in me. It's quite a wide streak and I found I couldn't help but remark to my daughter quite loudly.
Ooft, you will be glad that's not your mummy darlin, eh?
The lady of the purple face looked up sharply. Like a shark in a tin can.
I met her gaze and gave her a wink and a feral smile. Smoke bellowed from her nostrils and the portrait of myself I keep hidden in the attic aged several years as she glared at me.
Me and my girl carried on shopping. We had family staying to help with childcare and chillis had to be purchased to make a fine and spicy feast for them.
We hauled our bounty out to the car park. By a twist of fate our car was quite close to aubergine woman who was yelling at her child whilst loading her shopping into the boot.
I asked my little one to hop into her car seat which she did with gymnastic perfection. As I closed the door on her and made my way round to the drivers side the purple flump flounced over closer.
I suppose you think you were being funny in there?
I think she was attempting to be confrontational.
A hundred cheeky or funny ripostes flitted through my mind but as I looked at her and her lost eyed child some yards behind her I could only shake my head and reply.
No. I am afraid I wasn't.