I had lunch today with a fellow gentleman Humphrey Badgerbast. A good chap despite having a face like a labradors minge. As we supped brandy in the Sea Dog's club I asked him how he dealt with the lower echelons of society who clung to the skirts of fine folk such as ourselves.
Ha! Cut em open dear fellow and wear them like a hat!
Humphrey threw his brandy glass at one of the footmen to emphasise his point.
I popped another slice of candied pigs foot on my tongue and pondered his words. An impulsive fellow, mind addled with the salt of the sea no doubt. But did he have a point?
I have ever been known for my compassion. Why once a wretched looking young feller-me-lad tugged at the hem of my coat as I went past, begging for food. I was more than happy to have my manservant drag him off to the nearby saltpetre mines. They are always looking for young lads to fill their dark crevices.
It is this compassion which drives me to help out any of my fellow steemians in need by way of my weekly column. Please, by all means solicit me in the rooms of chat where I can have my own manservant comb the winnets from the hog pie to supply me with those most needy of missives.
And here we are, another Thursday has come to pass. I have hitched up my proverbial skirts and girded my loins as best as I can to deliver some satisfactory advisements to my fellows in need.
Spam_Farmer1: Cn you upvt my post please - somerubbishlink
Interestingly this message was tagged with the waronspam hashtag.
Uncle Boom: Upvote your post I presume you mean? Do you realise the mind boggling irony of what you have just done, you babbling hemorrhoid? You have just spammed me with your link and tagged it with waronspam!
I have a good mind to dip my boot in horseradish and deliver it straight up your jacks before setting the bloody dogs on you. Now get out of my sight.
Next.
Spam_Farmer2: Do you want more exposure and to get your post resteemed to 6000 followers? Send 2 steem/SBD and post link in memo to - somerubbishsteemian
Uncle Boom: More exposure?! What the blazes, are you asking to see my penis? And for me to pay for the pleasure you raving rapscallion? The only chance you will have of that dear fellow is if I soak it in vinegar and beat you black and blue with the damned thing and that, you can have for nothing.
Once again, the pleasure my dear friends at lending a compassionate ear has been all mine. Rest assured all of your missives are read and I am open to helping all.
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