bored | bôrd |
adjective
feeling weary because one is unoccupied or lacks interest in one's current activity: she got bored with staring out of the window | they would hang around all day, bored stiff.
In other words, boredom is the urge to do something. Boredom makes us want to text everyone we know asking what’s up, run errands we don’t need to run, or go shopping for things we don’t need to buy.
Boredom doesn’t give us the energy to do these things. That’s because boredom doesn’t come from the same place as motivation. Motivation seeks something in particular. Motivation inspires us to get up. Boredom is satisfied with anything that distracts you.
Boredom wants distraction. Any distraction will do.
If anything will do, then it’s not about what you’re looking for, it’s about what you’re avoiding. Boredom drives you to find something stimulating, anything, to avoid something else.
The big question is, what are you trying to avoid?
Boredom is an attempt to avoid your own company.
In a world filled with distractions, it’s easy to avoid our own company. Instead of sitting with ourselves in the present moment, we can load up on distractions. Social media stories, news feeds, endless emails, and text messages provide endless stimulation for anyone who wants to distract themselves.
Why do we have such a powerful need to distract ourselves?
Because we aren’t comfortable with who we are. We aren’t comfortable spending alone time with ourselves.
I’ll grant, sometimes you’re not in the mood to hang out with yourself, and as a result, you get a little bored. But ninety-nine out of a hundred times, we get bored because when we’re faced with being alone with ourselves, we’re uncomfortable.
The truth of the matter is that most people are uncomfortable with their own company. Most people find the idea of spending time with themselves uncomfortable. It’s not a feeling of dislike (usually), but more a vague sense of unease. Like being left alone in a room with a stranger you barely know. It’s awkward.
Feeling awkward around yourself is a sad state of affairs.
The fix is as simple as it is difficult.
Get to know yourself.
Like getting to know anyone else, getting to know yourself takes time. You have to spend time with yourself. You can start with questions like:
- What is your favorite music? What music touches your heart?
- What is your favorite movie? Why?
- What are your hobbies? Are there any old hobbies you have that you gave up?
The answers to these easier questions lead to harder questions. - What is it you want out of your life?
- What is it you’re doing with your life because society says you have to?
- Do you like what you do for a living? Is it merely tolerable?
- If you could do anything for a living, anything at all (even tap dancing or professional checkers), and make a million dollars a year, what would you pick?
We think we know the answers to these questions, but often we don’t. We decided on a default answer years ago, and in response to these questions, we regurgitate that answer.
Let go of the default answer and review these questions. Do you actually like listening to that band anymore, or is it more of a habit? Have you been exposed to new music lately?
Do you only like your job because it’s the best job that you know of? Or the best job you think you can get? Does your job bring you actual satisfaction? Or does it merely fit with an image of yourself you decided on years ago?
Sitting down and asking yourself these sorts of questions can feel contrived. If you sat down with a stranger and asked them these questions, they’d feel creeped out. When building a friendship, before asking the deep questions, two people typically learn to enjoy each other’s company.
So, do that with yourself. Spend some time with yourself.
- Challenge yourself to turn off all electronic devices for five minutes and sit with yourself.
- Turn on some of your favorite music. Sit and listen to it, giving it your undivided attention. Turning the volume up helps you do this.
- Turn on your favorite TV show. Put your phone down and watch it without distractions.
These are easy ways to spend a little more time with yourself.
If you’re looking for a real challenge, you can practice five or ten minutes of meditation. Meditation is at its core the act of sitting alone with yourself. But following our friend analogy, this would be like sitting silently and staring into the eyes of a stranger, so meditation might make you somewhat uncomfortable.
Once you get to know yourself, you’ll find you’re rarely ever bored. Free time stops being boring and starts representing a rich opportunity to spend time with yourself. Free time can even be a richer source of emotional satisfaction than time spent with others.
So go, spend some time with yourself. You might find that guy’s not so bad after all.
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