I am so happy you decided to destroy your Steemit account, and I'm grateful you are here today with me. I decided to write this guide because I’m sure there are many other Steemians out there who also hate success like you and me, but are not aware of all the tools that are at their disposal to make sure they avoid it effectively.
So.... without further ramblingseses, let’s explore some of these:
Ask everyone in sight to Follow you!
Yes, Yes... I know that sounds counter intuitive, if the goal is to fail very hard you would think getting followers is going to work against our plan. I mean, if we get followers and they start to upvote our content, we could make money and we don’t want none of that. We belong to the group of users who like the nice and predictable 0.01 payout.
You will be very suprised to know that this technique is very effective at making people not only not follow you, but also mute you, which is just an added bonus, the icing on the cake as they say around these parts. Isn't that just fantastic news?
Let’s explore some true masters showing us how it's done:
As we can clearly see, using poorly written sentences can really enhance the desired effect. I would recommend as well misplacing a letter here and here, like these masters. The more robotic sounding your request, the more effective you will be.
Make your comments Short, one word if possible!
Yes... this ancient technique has been used since the beginning of the interwebs and social interactions. The goal here is to make sure the author of the post knows you never read his post and probably never will.
This beautiful technique is best shown when you manage to get your comment seconds after a giant post has shown up on your feed.
Let’s take a look at some beautiful examples of this dark art.
As you can see if the short comment uses nonexistent words, even better. Because as you know poelpe can sitll raed tehm.
Fake praise the Author!
This technique might take some practice, you must make sure the praise is completely disconnected from the post itself, and this detail is very important. This technique works best if the subject of the post is very serious. For example: if the post is about the author losing his pet dog, or any kind of tragic event of that level.
This technique is also very effective with poetry and some of the best players in the game use it with ninja like skills.
Telling a Steemian poet that his post was very informational is one of the best examples I’ve seen out there.
But here are some other master not only using this technique, but also mixing it up with the previous techniques I've shown you... true masters!
Other more advanced techniques you can try!
Don’t Write your own Content, just copy paste it from the Google Wiki Machine
Just don't tell anybody about it, because everyone will then do the same. You can almost guarantee 0 payouts using this awesome technique, what's even better is that you can get your account blacklisted and that is as good as failure gets.
Some things to keep in mind if you are going to use the Wiki Google Machine!!!
- Don't change a thing, leave it exactly as it is, if it has pictures even better
- Do not cite sources for anything, if you do, you might get away with it, and that's not the plan here
I've saved the best for last!!!
The Nuclear Option!!!
So you've tried all these techniques and you keep on making a little bit of money, its simply driving you nuts!!! Don't worry I got the answer for you, I have saved the best for the end of this guide.
The best way to kill your Steemit account is to Flag a Whale!!!
It’s quite simple, why play with childish firecrackers when you hold the codes for the nukes. If you really feel like this success thing is creeping up on your game, you can always go to one of Steemit’s whales and start flagging their comments and posts.
The nuclear option works every time like a charm, especially if the whale in question is very opinionated, just go into his/her post show them your lack of respect and flag away.
I can guarantee you account will never make a penny ever again. Isn't that just awesome?
I'm glad you've made it to the end of this How-To guide, I'm confident that if you follow my steps carefully you won't have to deal with that success thing your friends and family try to push on you all the time.
After all.... Who needs them right?
Disclaimer.- As much as I would like to assume that most people will understand that this post is really done in the name of satire, it might be prudent for me to make this perfectly clear.
I decided to donate one post's SBD to 
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Musically yours