The number of perturbed and vindictive exes who sic so-called "child protective" "services" (CPS) on the one they once claimed to love has become a problem of epidemic proportions, and this author has written an excellent article about why no one should EVER do that to another breathing human being.
Check it out here:
Here is the first excerpt to which I'd like to draw your attention:
"Calling CPS is no way to handle a child custody battle. For the sake of the children, resolve to get along and make two happy homes for the kids. Frequently, I get comments on my site from parents or grandparents who called CPS thinking that they would get custody. However, they constantly tell me how terribly things turned out and how much they regret their decision to make that call. Mainly it is the children who will suffer forever because their parents couldn't get along.
Matt Pinsker, an attorney, says, 'I have seen numerous demonstrably false CPS reports, police reports, rape claims, and other claims made all to gain leverage in custody situations. It is disgusting and an abuse of the system.' ...CPS agents, sometimes called social workers, though they may not possess a social work degree, can wreak havoc on your life, cause trauma for you and your child, and turn a bad situation into something much worse."
(Attorney Matt Pinsker...Image courtesy of his Twiiter.)
First of all...if you live in Virginia or the mid-Atlantic states, make a note of this attorney if you run into problems with CPS. This guy obviously knows what he's talking about and definitely has his priorities lined up and his head screwed on straight. Marriage is not about YOU and what you think you "want" or "need" out of it. It's about much bigger and nobler things, like putting others before yourself, keeping your vows, and putting your children first...Oh, and the future and sustainability of human civilization.
Siccing CPS on your mate is worse than taking a knife and sticking it in their back, and depending on the location of the blade when you do it, potentially more damaging, physically, as well as emotionally, spiritually...and any other way you can think of. And, it is definitely worse for the kids...unless it turns out you truly did marry a mass murderer, or something. Ninety-nine times out of a hundred, siccing CPS on your mate in attempt to get custody backfires, and ends up helping no one, except maybe an adoptive couple you've never heard of, and you will probably never get to even say goodbye to your kids before they gain possession and REPLACE YOU as your child's parents.
Here is another brief excerpt:
"The best way to deal with a child custody issue is to make friends with your ex so you can work together to make your child's future as happy and perfect as possible. I know this is difficult for many of you for a variety of reasons, and co-parenting can be extremely difficult, but it's actually the best thing for your child.
Here's how you can work together (see below for additional resources) and why it's important.
A... Don't try to keep the child all to yourself. It took two to make this child. Every child deserves both a mother and a father. Keep your child's best interests at heart.
B...You may be hurt by what your ex did to you. That's understandable. But that doesn't mean they should be cut out of your child's life. Put the child's needs first. Work on forgiveness issues and learn to share.
C...Your ex may be uncooperative. Read about joint parenting. Work on including that other person in your attempts to establish a harmonious and mature joint parenting situation."
(Image courtesy of gnosticesotericworkaides.com.)
The author does talk about the rare cases where your ex-mate may truly be a danger to your kids--which almost every ex thinks (or concocts) to be the case. We are not talking about that right here, because 95% of the time, your ex would never harm your kids in any intentional way anymore than you would, and the pain caused by your ex is simply causing your rational judgment to be overcome by emotions...especially the revenge emotion.
Remember...YOU ARE NOT THE ONE THAT MATTERS HERE...your kids are. If more parents could grow up an act like the adults they are supposed to be, they wouldn't be exes in the first place, and they certainly wouldn't be allowing themselves to be driven to a place where they allow their own children to suffer as a result of their own jealousies and childishness. The advice above is excellent. Of course, reconciling is best, if there is ever still hope of that...i.e. if your mate hasn't already remarried-- or gotten "with child" as a result of infidelity. Rolling back the divorce rates and learning to put your mate above yourself are SO crucial, not in just for what is best for kids, but for putting CPS out of business. Trust me. If marriages were working as they are supposed to be, we wouldn't have CPS intervening in families in anywhere near the kind of numbers they are now. We've let the genie out of the bottle by being (and living) as though we, ourselves, were the only thing that mattered. Selfishness is destroying western civilization, and it is being pushed BY THE CULTURE at every turn...in movies, T.V., top-selling novels, etc.
Next excerpt (from the EXCELLENT comments below the article:)
"See it all the time.. the divorce happens, one parent remarries, and all the sudden the ex and his new bride think the child would be better with them because they now have a step sibling or a new baby brother and or sister, so they want the child from the previous marriage. So the new step parent starts calling cps along with the other parent in hopes to get the child placed with them, when what really happens both parents lose their rights to their child, and the child gets foster homes for the rest of their lives, and is traumatized by being ripped away from their biological parents where they should be. So I would suggest do not call CPS on your ex unless your willing to lose your child all together."
Get it? Again...YOUR SELFISHNESS will wind up hurting EVERYONE involved if you get CPS involved. OK?
Don't do it!
In fact, some states are finally taking action to ban and criminalize obvious cases where exes are simply trying the use CPS as a battering ram to enforce their will against there exes. Don't do it. Not only can you lose your own kids (if you have any left) but you can now lose your freedom and wind up in jail in those particular states, and TRUST ME, siccing CPS on an ex out of spite or selfishness IS A CRIMINAL ACT, even if you don't feel it is at the time.
(Courtesy of quotefancy.com.)
So, stop, look, listen...to those who have been in your shoes and/or considered doing what you are about to do. Step back from the cliff. Reassess. Put your kids first, and ENJOY the proper things in life, like WATCHING YOUR KIDS growing up to be happy, fully-functioning mature adults, making good marriages for themselves and NOT forwarding the cycle of hurt and divorce you may have unfortunately gotten caught up in on to the succeeding generations.
CPS, again, IS THE SOLUTION FOR NOTHING...they can only be THE EVEN BIGGER PROBLEM, because that is what they are designed to be...i.e. a key part of the Saul Alinsky solution for tearing apart free societies. Don't play THEIR GAME.