Nobody taught Melissa how it felt when she saw her father slowly slip away. Now, she shares her memories to inspire other young caregivers on their way with dementia.
When Melissa's father was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, she was only 14 years old.
It changed the family dynamics, and he was forced to grow up to take caretaker responsibility for his father. "Our role is turning," he said. "I have to be a parent."
We tend to think of dementia as a condition that primarily affects older people, and early-onset problems are often overlooked, including their impact on family members.
For young caregivers like Melissa in Singapore where one in 10 people aged over 60 suffers from dementia, the challenges they face are unique, especially with having to cope with the struggles of adolescence, in addition to the demands of school and rival parenting.
Melissa is working to address this gap through Project We Forgot, a community platform that she started, offering support for young nannies with dementia.
Melissa hopes that she knows more about her father's condition so that she can become a better caregiver, in the middle of having to reconcile with her loss of memory and confusion.
"Nobody teaches us how it feels when we see you slowly slip away, or how to react as your memories begin to fade, and you stop remembering who we are."
He wrote these words in a letter to his father more than ten years later. If he were better known as a teenager, there might be more empathy and understanding.
There was no one he could vent in school, seeing that there was hardly any awareness of dementia among his circle of friends and teachers.
With lessons learned from his own experience, Melissa hopes the young nanny does not need to feel the same isolation as she does. Through Project We Forgot, they can access resources and connect with others on similar trips.
At the same time, Melissa is actively reaching out to various agencies in Singapore to help raise awareness and support for caregiver needs at school or workplace.
Significant change can only happen when there is an increase in public education, he feels.
Reflecting on his journey, Melissa saw most of her father where she is now, especially the entrepreneurial spirit, which gave her a boost to start the We Forgot Project.
"I hope I'm proud of you, Daddy." She told him as she ended the letter.