"Why are you not back yet?"
"Have you taken your dinner?"
"Can you help me to sweep the floor?"
"Why do you always lock yourself in the room?"
Sounds familiar? Ever feel frustrated when you heard that from your parents especially after a long tiring day when all you want to do is just lie down on the bed and sleep?
As an adult, most of our time are spent outside of the house. Be it working or socializing. We give a lot of time & attention to our job, passion, friends. No, its not wrong. Just that at times, maybe we forgot our parents at home need our attention too.
I stayed with my parents, hence I hear a lot of nagging. Haha. It is indeed annoying, especially when I wanted to "rest peacefully" after a long day. It almost felt like I've never done enough, there is always no-ending demands & requests.
One day, I quiet myself and think, what is that they actually need/want? Alimony? Eu-Yan Sang supplements? Yearly vacation trip? Ogawa massage chair? Haha maybe. But I'm pretty sure 99.9% parents would want something more than that. Something that is easy to give away, yet have to intentionally make plans for it - Your love, time & attention.
Being a typical Asian parents, they don't express themselves very well. They don't usually verbalize precisely what they actually feel inside. Hence, nagging is one of their way to communicate with you. It took me a lot of practice to listen through the message that they're trying to tell behind the nagging. If I were to decode their language:
"Why are you not back yet? Do you know what time is it now?"
- I'm worried of your safety. I can't sleep well when I don't see you back home safely.
"Have you taken your dinner?"
- I'm worried of your health. My job is to see you eat full and happy. Yes there's this paternal & maternal instinct that they must ensure that you have a good meal and grow healthily. This has been there since we're a baby and will continue to be even we're grown into adult. That is why grandparents like to stuff a lot of food to their grandchildren during CNY or any festive celebrations. Lai lai eat eatttt.... eat more eat more...
"Can you help me to sweep the floor?"
- I've done a lot of house chores alone today. Could you lend me a hand? Can we participate in this activity (house chores) and do it together?
"Why do you always lock yourself in the room?"
- I miss talking to you. I miss your presence. Will you spend a little time with me to have some light chat / heart to heart talk?
So I try my very best to set aside time for them everyday. Be it a short 10 mins TV time after dinner, 5 mins rush-but-sit-on-the-table breakfast time, 30-mins-baking-cake-time, 1-hour-cooking-lunch together time, doesn't matter if its just a short 5 mins of complaining how bad is the traffic today. They are happy when you talk to them.
It took me years to understand this, with much fights and tears involved. Its not easy but its doable. Yes it will need practice. It trains your patience and discernment to decode the actual meaning behind the nagging. But the return is always good. Happy parents = happy children. So the next time you are nagged, remember that you are loved! ❤
Have you spend time with your parents today?
If you're staying faraway from them, ring them up! 😉
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