What did the Pig say to the Turkey on Thanksgiving?
You're smorked!!
Happy Thanksgiving-
Today I had to teach the story of City Mouse and Country Mouse to my fifth grade class. I asked the students:
"Do you have a mouse in your house?"
One kid answered,
"No, but I have a pig."
I asked him,
"How big is your pig?"
He answered,
"My sister is about five feet and two inches."
Family and friends
I remember the early Chicago winters pretty much froze everyone's butt off around Thanksgiving. Sometimes these early snowstorms caused the O'hare airport to be closed. My dad would invite just about everyone he knew to our house for Thanksgiving.
He was ready to feed anyone as long as they stayed through the time it took him to say grace. He would begin with something like:
"Our Dear Gracious Father... O' Dear Lord... We have gathered together our family and friends and neighbors for a time of Thanksgiving and we so much thank you for your grace... the grace of being with us throughout this year as we so much do appreciate all your blessings and mercy bestowed upon us and we pray Lord that you buy us a Mercedes Benz O' Lord have mercy on us for the ungrateful sinners we are and help us to spend a moment of time to consider your awesome deeds as you helped the Israelites cross the Red Sea with your outstretched arm you have helped Uncle Joey out of rehab. O' Lord his six kids are with us today and all have enjoyed your mercy and blessings this year. You have blessed his dear precious daughter Little Gracie with the joys of mother hood although we are not clear as to who the father is we trust you Lord to be as a father for this child. O' Lord have mercy and buy us a Mercedes Benz. O' Lord the Turkey you have provided and stuffing and gravy and mashed potatoes are all around the table. They are all brought to us by your mercy and our hard labor. Bless the hands of those who prepared this meal those beautiful hands who labored to earn the money to pay for this meal and those wonderful hands who labored all day today over a hot oven basting the turkey. O' Lord we ask your mercy upon us such ungrateful sinners who do not deserve even a portion of this blessing. Some of us didn't lift a finger to help in the preparations. Some of us will show up late only to take leftovers away. O' lord have mercy. We pray for aunt Suzie. We know that she bears the burden of having two jobs and raising the children on her own. O' Lord have mercy on her and send her clients that are free of STDs. Cleanse her and send away the disease that flares up like Leprosy. Send a fire around her to protect her O' Lord. We pray for her three children O' Lord. How you have blessed them and protected them from the evil one. You have carried them through fire and waters and brought them into the safety of your pastures O' Lord. This year your blessings have been bountiful and we rejoice as Da' Bears actually won the first Thanksgiving Day game. Oh Lord may your mercy be spread as wide as the point spread to all of our family. Amen."
Oh and don't forget the testimony time after praying. Each of the family and the guests share one thing they are thankful for. I hear a lot of...
"I thank God the Turkey is still fresh."
Then it comes to my brother and he gets up and rips out the Turkey's wishbone. He says,
"I thank God I got the wishbone this year."
It's pretty disgusting... but he holds up the wishbone and says,
"Who's gonna make a wish?"
My cousin Tony gets up and rips the wishbone out of his hand.
"Hey give me a chance at this."
This wishbone rips in two and my cousin Tony has the larger piece. He says,
"Ha! Ha! It looks like this is my lucky Thanksgiving!"
Years Later
Many years later I end up in Korea where a frozen Turkey at Costco is 100 dollars. I did manage to find a smoked Turkey leg for 6 dollars. I don't even know what country this bird is from. On the package it said it may be from America, Brazil or the Philippines. I didn't even know the Philippines had frozen Turkeys. "It's the Chiller from Maniller."
The word for Thanks giving in Korea is 감사 (Gam Sa). That's interesting because the word for Persimmon is 감 (Gam) and the word for apple is 사과. So as an expression of thanks my friend bought me today some persimmon and apples 감사(Gam Sa).
Now when I am homesick for American holidays all I can say is 감사합니다 (Gam-sa-ham-needa).
It means "I need ham".
Oh... Smorked!!
(The creepy pictures that appeared in this article came from my cell phone's camera. I have the right to use them as I wish. The Turkey came from my freezer. I guess that's where Turkeys come from.)