Yo, Steem-faces. Thanks for making the last seven months some of the most inspirational, productive, and weird in my entire life. I'm Michael, aka Modern Zorker, and this is me celebrating the acquisition of 300 followers with this opportunity to re-introduce myself and expand my legions!
And now, it's time for the Q&A sessions, where I give long, rambling answers to the hard-hitting questions you submitted! Unfortunately, nobody actually sent me any questions, so I'm going to wing it and pretend I have, like, so many more friends than Mark Zuckerberg.
Who are you?
Like I said, I'm Michael. Modern Zorker. The only guy on Steemit who can complete the 30-Day Plank Challenge while also bringing out the gimp. And if there's one important lesson Boromir from Lord of the Rings taught us:
The Gimp may be sleeping, but I am the one who knocks, Skylar.
Next question!
Why should I follow you on Steemit?
I could bullshit you with a bunch of nonsense about how the awesome just rubs right off as soon as you click that 'Follow' button, but most Steemians will see right through that. So here's the deal. You should follow me if...
...you like horror novels. I love the things, and the more weird, obscure, and trashy a horror book is, the more I'm apt to review it here. I'm talking about people like William W. Johnstone, J. F. Gonzalez, Richard Laymon, Jack Ketchum, and yes, even R. L. Stine.
...you like pen-and-paper RPGs. Some of my best friends are Dungeons & Dragons, and I've had great fun digging through the archives to bring you stories of downright impossible adventures. I loved it so much, in fact, that I did it again. And then a third time, just for good measure. Who knows when I'll drop another snark-laced rant about wandering spheres of annihilation or add another nickname to Bruce "I Made Iuz And Vecna My Bitches" Cordell?
...you play video games. Hey, what a co-incidence! I play video games too!
My wife snapped that candid of me just last week! Ha ha, man, those 3D televisions just bring the game right into your living room. I can't wait to try out that new wrestling title--I bet there's nothing but sawdust and splinters left by the time I'm done with that one. Ahem. Where was I?
I love writing about my favorite hidden gems, import titles, obnoxiously difficult Genesis titles, the only video game it is illegal to own in the United States, must-have titles for gamers on a budget, and so much more.
...you like comics! And who doesn't like comics, eh? But I'm talking mainly 90's comics, where things like 'plot' went out the window in favor of variant covers, and more variant covers. I also love me some manga, and other sorts of general discussion.
...you're a Star Wars fan!
When I'm not busy kicking ass and taking names as a Jedi...
...you can find me using the Force to survive accidents where the other asshole is completely at fault.
Told you that author photo up there was un-retouched.
I'm interested in raising an army of wolves to conquer my local province. Can you help?
Are you always this much of a knob goblin?
Very funny, 
And the answer is a resounding, "Hells to the yeah!"
You mean you're deliberately choosing to go on the run from your own people, in a rackety old TARDIS?
Why not? After all, that's how it all started.
So that's where we stand. The pay's awful, there's no such thing as sick time, and I'll let my good friend Weird Al Yankovic explain your health insurance plan. You will receive nothing but doctor bills from laughter-induced hernias. But if you think you've got the guts, if you want to capture glory, if you wish to raise your banner to keeping the internet fun and exciting while Batista Bombing that upvote button, you've come to the right place.
Let's do it together.
Geeks: unite!