An old story of me: Sometimes life can be hard, even when everythin...

I do not want to accept that as my fate.
They say that every man is the artisan of his own fortune.
They say that! I have nothing in my hand and that is my second reality. And they always say that I'm not trying or that I'm not a real man. And that only draws me more and more into my second reality. You do not know what my inner world looks like and you certainly do not know how it feels.
Would you know, you would be grateful for every breath you take. But you can not know it. If you have never seen a color, I could tell you for days what it looks like, you would never understand it. If you have never tasted wine, I could do absolutely nothing, so you know how wine tastes. As long as you do not experience it, you can not really understand it. I consider myself a very nice person who wishes the best for everyone, who always forgives, who always shares and I do not deserve all that. Once when I was so deep in a hole where there was no will to live anymore I saw myself as a little sweet boy. I always wanted to please everyone except this little boy. This insight was so painful that I finally could cry again. I promised this boy that I'll never give up, no matter how deep I will fall. This is my life task. At some point, this little boy will look up to me and will not be afraid of growing up.
My life task.

I love you...

An old story of me: Sometimes life can be hard, even when everything is good from the outside. The anxiety disorder as a second reality.