I live in a strange world where to pursue my creativity in a disciplined way as a life path while deliberately and consciously detaching from worldly ambition and industry is a revolutionary act.
My ambition is awareness. My greed for awareness is so great that industry has no place. When ideas of fame, attention, recognition, validation through music and the climbing of that tower - putting accolades to my name, participating in the peacockery - enter my awareness - I expose them to the light of my true ambition and they burn up in cinders. The energy of what I am and this cancer called industry are two very different things - a difference that can only be known through self honesty, detachment and commitment to a higher path.
I may have once wanted to appease insecurity with musical expression - but there was all the while a deeper urge within - one that was much more subtle - eternal even - beneath the onion layers of my childhood conditioning.
Anything - I have learned - anything at all, if we apply the entirety of our being to it, can be a pathway to a great awareness. It must be done with selflessness as the aim.
A teacher is someone that has attained greater knowledge - a heightened experience of awareness through self-applicaton, self-observation and self-responsibility.
I could meet a master dishwasher tomorrow who by me observing and learning from them, could learn to play musical instruments better. I can sense a deep potency of focus within others because I cultivate it within me and I see that my particular propensities are like a mouse to an elephant - there are those who have found this path and walked it much longer than I - but it is not a hierarchical achievement - it is a self-application which everyone has opportunity to do. It is not hierarchy in a worldly, social or industry sense - it is just simply the reality of having done the yards to achieve greater awareness and greater wholeness with divine being. To see it as hierarchy and oppressive authority is an unfortunate bi-product of a brand of ignorance that seeks to protect itself from awakening. By applying myself tomorrow and maintaining lofty heights of awareness that same respected teacher might become my student - thus is the nature of true spiritual development. No one is competing, everyone has opportunity and yet, we can learn from each other - and in doing so - can grow. The true lessons however, the ones that stick to our being as a permanent thing - are done alone.
If you want to learn music as a tool and pathway for true character growth and awareness - forget about the ambition of being great in the worldly sense - embrace the little lessons that each caveat and each tone and each nuance has to offer your senses. In doing so - we become more effective at everything. These mediums are tools to reach greater and greater levels of sensitivity to our environment - measuring sticks, guages and meters in this space ship of time.
If creativity is successful in its truest of purposes and fullest of potentials - it paves a pathway, opening doors of awareness to a literal heaven on earth - a place devoid of industry and self-interest.
To see this potential and also to see the depths to which industry has dragged this potential is heartbreaking - to see how individuals take to it like a sport - your soul is not a ball that can be kicked around to achieve goals.
When we find the place we fell - the little lie told to the self - that 'this is necessary, this industry way' - when we allowed industry and social energetic hierarchy to dictate our motivations, inspirations and creative directions - when we locate that little lie within- we can pick up where we left off. We may have to start again and again and again each time the foundation needs to be rebuilt after learning more about the self. This is path is a journey of humility.
I'm happy to be on this island away from your circus. My island is authentic. Your circus is a thin crust sitting on top of a volcano. I don't envy your position. My position in the open sea is seen as lunacy outside the confines of your cage of ambition - a cage to keep your innocence away from the danger of awakening - holding a seed of potential within a metal vessel and wondering why it takes so long to grow.
In remaining true to myself and taking my understanding of authentic to its depths - I have learned about real reality and I learn deeper and deeper what that is. I keep learning. There is no depth or height that I can go to that I can exhaust this learning. My greed is for this learning. My hunger is insatiable.
We can only learn more by taking ourselves to the edge of what we know now - finding new unknowns and regularly diving into them head first without fear of losing ourselves.
Honesty is a skill - authenticity is a skill - they require constant calibration and expansion - the same as any master craft.
There are no limits to the horizons of awareness - once we breach one, we find there is yet another and another and another.