I gat issues. Not the good ones you see people share easily, so I would rather not share this with you.
But let's ramble and daub an image created by my thoughts
I make habits of judging my ideas and thoughts, and most time they are in the negative. I judge negatively.
Would this work?
Is anyone going to listen?
They might tag you as mad, weird and unusual.
But who cares?
No one. So I won't be writing further. … And if I do, I won't be publishing…
But if I do publish, I won't be caring about my voice.
But if I cared, I would still have no choice but to ramble again…
This can go as far as to make me end up not taking the necessary steps towards turning those rambling ideas, beliefs, and thoughts into a reality.
The ideas can just be about writing the first line of a book or starting a new career.
I’m too judgmental a being, and I believe this has weighed down on my productivity and creativity.
It’s like feeling lower back pain at a young age.
If you don’t do anything now, the rest of your old life would be a misery.
It sucks to be engulfed in the negative corners of my mind.
I’ve killed my positive aura for a long time, and past traumas were an effective tool in making that happen.
Everyone has their issues and traumas. Only they come in different styles and shapes.
We all think that our suffering is special in the sense that we are the only ones going through something gruesome and no one will ever be able to understand us or have an idea of how much pain we’ve experienced.
Thinking that you’re the only one in this is something that can hamper our productivity in all areas.
I’m not one to give up or back down on things, however lately, it’s all blurry and to see what’s wrong clearly, seems impossible.
All I see is darkness with the light unreachable
I’ve been one to not divulge my feelings to people and families unless I’ve seen them as a no-judge-being.
I’m scared to talk to someone whenever I’m going through things, and that can have a positive feeling; however, nothing good comes without its flaws.
This is because when your feelings are bottled up with no one or no way of sharing them or letting them out, you have to either find out for yourself how to seek a way out, or they eat you from the inside.
Mental beings
Experience can be a great teacher, I’ve heard, and I’ve also heard people say that learning from other people's experiences is the best way to go.
Even my dad hampered this to me while I was still young and innocent. But recently, I realized that sometimes learning from other people's experiences can also come with its flaws because you have no first-hand experience.
This first-hand experience is what made me reconsider my stance about lessons and teaching, and I’ve recognized that not everything can be easily absorbed from a book, a teacher, or the internet correctly without you having some type of first-hand experience of it.
You don’t know about mental disorders until you spend time with someone who is faced with one, or you experience one yourself.
The feeling is intense.
Whenever I see this close relative in a state of vulnerability, and acting out, I get scared to the bone.
I’ve never been this scared all my life.
But then I never wanted to let this person down, so I do my best to stand by and be as practical and accommodating as I can. And I can tell you one thing—that leaves a Mark on you both.
I feel myself losing my mind at times. Even when it’s not as wild or obvious enough to tag myself mentally challenged, I feel there’s a level to it and while I might be on the lower end of the spectrum, many people are just like me, bottling up and acting out when they can’t release the negativity that has taken over them.
We all have been painted.
Can you see the daub?