Part 1
I hate it, that's what always whisper in my heart almost all the togetherness US. although married her, I never really gave my heart to him. married for enforcement parents, made me hate my husband own. although married forced, I never showed attitude benciku. although hate, every day I serve as the task wife. I was forced to do it because I had no handle the other. several times appear desire leave it but I don't have the ability of financial support and anyone. my parents dote my husband because according to them, my husband is figure husband perfect for his only daughter them. when married, I be wife very spoiled. I do everything own way of my heart. my husband is also memanjakanku such a way. I never really undergo my work as a wife. I always rely him because I think it should after what he did me. I gave my life him so tugasnyalah make me happy with obey all my desire. in our House, I am the Queen. no one dare against. if there is little problem, I always blame my husband. I don't like the towel wet placed on the bed, I hate to see he put spoon the rest of stir the milk on the table and leave the former sticky, I hate when he put on my computer although only to complete his job. I angry when he was hanging clothes in kapstock my clothes, I also angry when he was wearing toothpaste without memencetnya neatly, I angry when he was in touch up many times when I was having fun with my friends. was I chose not to have children. although it does not work, but I don't want to take care of the child. originally he supports and I will air-family planning with pills. but apparently he hides the desire so in until one day I forget drink birth control pills and although he knew he let it. I will pregnant and new realize it after more than four months, dokterpun refused menggugurkannya. that's anger largest him. anger growing when I contains a pair of Twins and is subject to the birth of a difficult. I was forced him to Act vasectomy so that I did not pregnant again. dutifully he do all wishlist because I threatened to leave with both our son. elapsed time to children not feel repeated years to-eight. as early before, I wake up most end. husband and children are waiting in the table. as usual, he was the one that provides breakfast and take the kids to school. that day, he reminds if that day no warning birthday my mother. I just answered with nod regardless of the words that reminds events previous year, the time I chose to the mall and not present in the event mother. yaah, as was stuck with perkimpoianku, I hate my parents. prior to the office, usually my husband's kiss my cheek only and followed children. but that day, he also held me so that the children's tempting his father with a fuss. I am trying to avoid and releases his arms. although finally come smiling with children. he returned to kiss up a few times in front door as if weight to go. when they go, I will decide to salon. spend time to salon is my hobby. I arrived at salon langgananku a few hours later. salon I met one of my all at once the person who don't I liked. we chatted with fun including each other showing off our activities. arrived time I had to pay the bills salon. However, what a surprise me when realize that my wallet left at home. despite reach into my bag to the deepest part I don't find it in the bag. while trying to remember what happened to my wallet not I could find. I called my husband and asked, "sorry Unfortunately, yesterday Farhan ask pocket money and I had no money small so I took from your wallet. I forgot to put it back to your bag, if not wrong I put on the table my work." he explained with soft. with angry, I mengomelinya with rough. I closed phone without waiting finished talk. soon, handphone back reads and although still upset, I will lift with half snapped. "let alone ??" "Unfortunately, I home now, I will take wallet and drove to you. Unfortunately there are now where?" asked my husband's fast, worry I close call back. I mention salonku and without waiting for answer again, I go back to close the phone. I talk to cashiers and say that my husband is coming pay tagihanku. the owner of salon my best friend actually membolehkanku go and say I can pay later if I go back again. but shame because "enemy" my also participate hear me miss wallet made me prestige to owe it first. rain down when I look out and hope car my husband soon to. minutes passed into hours, I am getting can't wait that began to contact the phone my husband. there is no answer despite many times kutelepon. when typically only twice ring my phone is lifted. I began to feel uncomfortable and angry. my phone appointed a few times a try. when the sound bentakanku not to mention out, sound of foreign answer the phone my husband. I was silent for some time before the sound of man foreign introduce yourself, "good afternoon, capital. is maternal the wife of Mr. armandi?" I said that question soon. man foreign it turned out to a police, he told that my husband crashed and this time he was taken to hospital police. the time I just silent and only answer thank you. when the phone closed, I squat with confused. my hand holding closely mobile phone I held and some employees salon approached me swiftly asked what's up to my face a pale White paper. somehow I finally got the hospital. somehow also knew the whole family present there menyusulku. I just silent thousand language waiting for my husband in front of emergency room. I don't know have to do what because during this time he was doing everything for me. when finally after waiting for a few hours, right when repercussion Azan maghrib sounds a doctor out and convey the news. my husband has no. he went not because of the accident own, stroke-who led to his death. finished hear the fact that, I actually busy strengthen my parents and parents shock. at all there is no tears setetespun out in both my eyes. me busy soothing father mother and in-laws. children hit held me with a close but grief them at all could not made me cry. when the bodies taken to the home and I sit in front of him, I stunned looked at the face of it. realized new times this I really looked at her face looks fast asleep. I approach his face and I stared at carefully. that's when my chest a crowded remember what he has given me for ten years togetherness US. I touched slowly face has cold and realized this is the first time I touched face first always decorated warm smile. tears spread dimataku, blurred vision. I gasp trying rubbed to tears not preclude gaze my last him, I want to remember all part of his face so fond memories of my husband endless for granted. but instead stop, tears the heavy flood the second my cheek. warning of Imam mosque governing the funeral procession not able to make me stop crying. I tried to keep him, but my chest tightness in view of what have I do her last time we speak. I remembered how I never pay attention to the health. I almost never set eating. in fact he always set what I eat. he noticed vitamins and drug that must be kukonsumsi especially when it contains and after the birth. he never miss reminds eat a regular, sometimes menyuapiku if i'm lazy to eat. I never know what he ate because I never asked. in fact I don't know what he like and disliked. almost the whole family know that my husband is a fan of instant noodles and coffee thick. my chest tightness hear it, because I know he may be forced to eat instant noodles because I almost never cooking for him. I just cooking for children and myself. I don't care he has been eating or not when home work. he could eat my cooking only if remain. he returned late at night every day because of the office far enough away from home. I never want to respond to requests to move closer to the office because not want to all the way from housing my friends. when the funeral, I am unable to refrain again. I passed out when see her body lost the same heap land hoard. I don't know anything to wake up in bed my big. I woke up with regret meet the cavity my chest. family my big persuade me with a vain because they never know why I am so injured lose himself. days I lead after his departure not freedom as during this time I want to do but I even got stuck in the desire to with him. in the early days of his departure, I sit stunned looked at the plate is empty. father, mother and mother-laws persuade me to eat. but I remembered just when my husband persuade me eat when I was mengambek first. when I forgot to bring a towel when bath, I shouted call him as usual and when in fact, my mother who came, I squat crying in the bathroom hoped he which came. habit that call her every time I can't do something at home, make a friend works confusion answer my phone. every night I was waiting for him in the bedroom and hope tomorrow morning I woke up with the figure beside me. I used so upset if sleep hear dengkurannya, but now I often woke because miss hear it back. I used to upset because he is often a mess in the bedroom US, but now I feel bedroom we feel empty and empty. I used so upset if he do the job and leave it in laptop without me-log out, now I looked at the computer, rubbing tuts-tutsnya hope used his fingers remains in there. I used the most don't like it coffee bare plate in desks, now scar remaining in the morning breakfast terakhirnyapun do not want to erase. remote television usual hide, now easily I found although I wish can replace lose it with the loss of remote. all ignorance that I do because I realized that he loves me and i've been exposed to the Arrow love. I also angry myself, I angry because all look normal although he had no. I angry because dress-up his still there leave it smells that made me miss. I angry because can't stop all penyesalanku. I angry because no one else persuade me to calm, no more reminded prayer although now I do with the sincerity. I pray because I want to apologize, apologize in God because wasted husband was awarded to me, ask for pardon as has been a wife that is not good husband so perfect.
CONTINUED.... PART 2
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(Kalau kalian suka maka akan saya lanjut kepart 2)