Every day life gives us some or the other experience. Some days are very full and then some days it feels all empty. I am a person who enjoys my space and silence, but one thing that I have learnt in the past 10 years living in 2 different countries is that silence does not feel the same in different places.
When I am here in Muscat, I feel a kind of loneliness that is hard to explain. My life is very good, and some one looking from the outside can even envy that. I have friends here. We meet, we laugh, we go out maybe 3 days a week. I have all the comforts I always wanted. A good home, no full time job and struggles of life, time to myself, I have my space and silence, which I always desired for, when I was living back in India. I have it all I have wanted and I can say I manifested all of this for me. I’m not someone who needs noise all the time, I enjoy my space.
But the silence here in Muscat is very different. It feels very heavy to me some times. It kind of follows me day and night. Even after a good evening with friends, I come back home, and feel some kind of emptiness. It feels like the city itself is too quiet for me. I always feel a small gap that nothing fills up in this space. Every day morning when I meditate, I do spend some time in reflection about my feelings and emptiness in this space, there are no answers.
Where as in Mumbai, it’s the opposite. I can stay at home for days together and still there is no emptiness and loneliness that I feel. The silence there feels warm and comforting. Maybe it’s because I keep hearing noises from people moving around and also feel the assurance of my loved ones being around me or may be it’s just the feeling of home in the air. Mumbai is very loud outside, but inside my home, I have a good quiet space. Also because this place is my roots and that is why I feel it this way. I become like a child when I have to travel from Muscat to Mumbai, I get super excited, like how a child feels while going from a boarding school to home in holidays.
I have realized that loneliness is just not about how many people we meet or are around us. We can have room full of people, socialize as many times possible and still feel alone. Or we can sit by ourself for a week and still feel completely okay. The difference is about the belonging.
This is not a complaint, nor is it a mental-health issue, nor am I sad in life. This is my observation on life how one can feel being in same situation at 2 different places and what magic our home can have on us. I am living a good life but there is a small space which feels abandoned. Possibly this is the experience that is required for me to go through in this life, it's meant to feel a little empty, so that I understand the value of when I have it all.
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