There are so many advice articles floating around that try to put a person who lost their parent on the path to recovery This is often done in a list of 5-10 things you'll experience after the loss. I don't think these lists are wrong by any means but I do think everyone's experience is different. Sure you'll go through the anger, crying, guilt, loneliness in different stages but what happens after? How will you feel 6 months or a year from now? Does it get easier and does it change you?
I can only give my perspective as I lost my father, Nick, last September. He had just turned 65 and retired for about 3 weeks when his heart valve ruptured and surgery didn't correct the problem. He was a proud man and worked everyday since around the age of 16. That boomer work ethic was a foundation in his life and was present right up until weeks after he retired.
Its been close to 8 months and I have gone through a lot of different emotions during this time. At first I was upset and mad. Mad at myself for not urging him to get the surgery procedure done earlier. Mad at the doctors for not being able to come through with a solution. Mad at being helpless to do anything. That helpless feeling didn't last long maybe a week. Since I had to make the decision to remove care in a way that helplessness gave way to contentment. I wasn't content he was gone mind you it was a contentment that he wasn't in pain anymore and could find some peace with that.
That first month lead itself to not being able or wanting to not talk about it. Sadness crept in and it was very difficult for me to not remember those last weeks and days on auto-repeat in my mind. At the end of that first month I started to remember more about our good times together and that pushed those terrible days further away from my mind. Several months later I could actually tell friends and family funny stories about our past and about him without crying or getting upset. That is when I knew the measure of my father as a whole would outweigh any bad memories of his life.
Flash forward to today and I still have occasional lonely emotions especially when a baseball game is on, or crazy WWE wrestling antics make me laugh. It took a while to not grab the phone and start dialing because we shared a lot of similar hobbies. Fishing and sports early on was our bonding activities giving way to model building, race cars, aquariums, and many more.
All I can offer is my own take of what I felt during and the time since to guide anyone else going through this painful process. Everyone's experience will be different and I don't think there is a right or wrong list of feelings or order that will get you through it.