To find solace and comfort in another is a healthy natural desire.
To want to share love and intimacy, indulge in each other’s psyche and express intoxicating-exhilarating emotions only meant for that significant other.
But what happens when I am denied this experience, particularly when I need it the most? I begin to demand. Issue feisty ultimatums. Insecurity. Impatience. Scorn. Contempt.
All in an attempt to distract and numb myself from this rejection, from this feeling of lack, I turn to gratification via food cravings or seek out individuals I know will divert my attention from the root of my distress.
I need to constantly remind myself and not be in denial about the lack of Self love I reap for myself.
I can no longer keep requiring intimacy from others when I have little of it for myself.
I am slowly re-learning/re-wiring some of these habits of dependency, but being content with Self will be my greatest challenge in healing.
To love myself even remotely as close as I can love another will be a challenge.
For now the souls that have entered my intimate life, remain as literal "mirrors"- revealing layers of myself needed to be worked on.
By then I will have cultivated enough love for myself and have an abundance to share with them and everything I desire to create.