The Bat finally popped the question to the Cat and now they’re getting hitched. Which means Bruce has gotta do the banal things many single fathers do when they remarry: meet with the ex, have a talk with his kid about his new soon-to-be stepmother and break the happy news to his friends. But Bruce is not an ordinary person so these tasks inevitably involve taking on a small army of silent soldiers, breaking UN agreements and sword-fighting in the desert with a lunatic!
Which do you prefer your Batman comics to be: character or plot-driven? Ideally both, right? Well, if it’s plot-driven then you might not enjoy Batman, Volume 5: The Rules of Engagement as there’s barely any attempt at a story - this is unabashedly all about the characters. And this one in particular is a unicorn: it’s all about the feels. I know - cold, stoic Batman… and emotions? R-r-romance…? Oh my god. It’s… so good!?
I’m gonna stop underestimating Tom King’s Batman series. Against all of my expectations - because I haven’t cared for any of his other highly acclaimed comics, The Vision/Omega Men/The Sheriff of Babylon - it’s been really, really amazing so far, despite the overlong/mediocre last volume, The War of Jokes and Riddles. And, somehow, it’s only gotten better five books in.
I know, I rolled my eyes too when I heard Batman and Catwoman were getting married. Oh, that’ll last! Oh, here come the gimmicks - getting desperate now, King! Y’know what, even if it doesn’t last, and it probably won’t, this book is still fan-bloody-tastic.
King writes a really amusing Talia al Ghul as she reacts to Bruce and Selina’s nuptials by giving them swords and attacking them. Blunt, arrogant, elegant and deadly, he absolutely nailed her character. And the spectacular Joelle Jones draws it all so damn beautifully, with swirling, confident lines, piercing facial expressions and mesmerising body language - I wish she was a regular on Batman. And I liked the cheeky bit of self promotion she threw in - Damian’s reading a book called The Lady Killer Murders of 1961, a nod to Jones’ ‘60s-set Dark Horse series, Lady Killer, which is an absolutely brilliant comic.
I love how King writes Damian here. Like father, like son, he’s standoffish but he’s also a kid and he’s obviously conflicted about what’s going on. That’s why I loved how Dick is there for him, like a big brother should be, waiting outside with him while Talia’s rages at Bruce inside. Dick and Damian are still the best damn Batman and Robin there ever was and I really appreciate King continuing to build these characters’ friendship long after that partnership ended.
The Superfriends two-parter is definitely the standout of the book. Bruce finally sees Clark and they decide to go on an adorbs couples double date - Bruce & Selina, Clark & Lois - to a fair with a superhero theme and decide to dress as each other. Bruce goes as Superman, Clark as Bats, Lois as Cats, and Selina as… sexpot? It’s such good fun watching Clark and Bruce’s batting cage rivalry and Lois and Selina swigging from a hipflask and bonding.
It’s King’s laconic, almost singsong in its repetitious call and answer style, dialogue that makes it work. Bruce quipping that the Bat symbol stands for bats, Lois and Selina giggling over their mens’ abs, Bruce saying that he’ll need to kick a bunch of trees to work off the fair food and Lois wondering why anyone would kick a tree (it’s a Year One reference). The love boat panels made me laugh, seeing Clark and Lois emerging cutely hand in hand and then Bruce and Selina coming out, Selina crawling all over Bruce!
The book closes out with an overview of Bruce and Selina’s tempestuous courtship. King’s Batman/Elmer Fudd artist Lee Weeks draws this story with a nod to their previous collab as Catwoman crashes the Batmobile into Porky’s Bar. Weeks’ art always looks good but it’s particularly eye-catching here - there’s a lot of dramatic perspective shifts, from intimate close-ups to cinematic pull-backs, and a remarkable use of light and shadow. Michael Lark - I know, this book has all the best artists - draws the final story which is 100% pure schmaltz. And I didn’t care. It was a fine way to round out a book all about love.
You can nitpick this book if you want. Batman and Catwoman rescuing Holly Robinson, the woman who killed 237 people who Selina took the blame for, just happens to be sheltering with Talia Al-Ghul. It’s pure contrivance, designed just to get the Bat, Cat and Talia together to do their thing. Superman getting upset that Batman was breaking UN sanctions against Khadym was pointless as there were no consequences to it. Would Selina really best Talia in a swordfight? And Selina’s “meeeow”-ing gets old fast.
They’re small criticisms though that don’t affect the overall themes of the book, derail what’s happening or take away from my enjoyment of it. And I really enjoyed this one - it’s so much fun! King nails the characters, gives them terrific dialogue, concocts very amusing scenes with them and has one amazing artist after another visually bring it to vivid life.
Like I said, if you don’t care that much about the characters and you prefer story-heavy books, this one probably won’t do much for you. But Batman is my dude and if he means as much to you as he does to me then it doesn’t get much better than Batman, Volume 5: The Rules of Engagement.
Right, well, best start shopping for a top hat - the wedding’s right round the corner! I wonder if Superman’s gonna be the best man - what would a Superman stag night look like? Probably sweaters and board games? Let’s hope Jason Todd is in charge of that detail!