Excerpt: I believe that most of you will be empathetic with the next case. Quite often the answer to one's confusion lies, so obviously, within their question itself, and I have not much further to explain or elaborate on the subject. For what more can be said to someone who allows life to take control of her instead of making a clear decision? Everything in our life, and I'm not tired of mentioning it, again and again, comes from the level of our self-love.
credit: imelenchon
Hi,
I feel sad and I want to pour out my heart here.
I don’t generally whine or complain but lately no matter how hard I try to convince myself that I am at peace with my life and that I don’t need anything else, I still feel bad. I am alone and have no one but my family to love and be loved by.
My last relationship ended unexpectedly just when I was about to fall in love. It was a weird connection. We had been together for three weeks when he said that he didn’t feel that he could fall in love with me. Since he was afraid I would develop feelings and would eventually get hurt he had decided to end the relationship. Although I cried I was not devastated and quickly regained my strength.
Now we are something like friends. Whenever we meet everything sounds and feels like before, like we are still a couple. We speak the same way, I behave as I did before and so does he. The only thing that seems different is the commitment. When we end a conversation or a meeting I can’t know when we will talk or see each other again.
I am baffled by it. It is a confusing situation and I wish I could talk to him about it, but although I am an open person and share a lot with others I can’t do it with him because he is very introverted. Whenever I am with him I feel I need to pretend and hide the real me as if then he would make me happy and would drive out my sadness; with him, I act with a lot of self-reliance although I have none. He never gave me the feeling that we are totally honest with each other. Maybe he is not that kind of a person.
I am afraid that if I said something he would interpret it as if I am in love with him (which I am not) and then would clam up for not wanting to hurt me… I simply want to talk about it… to hear what he feels… I don’t mind if he says that everything is just in my head… although I don’t think it is.
Apart from that, I have an unfinished affair with my ex-boyfriend. He was the one who broke up with me but he has recently confessed that he still loves me. But although he knows he wants me he doesn’t want to be with me. He says I am too old now… if I was twenty it would be alright for him … a bit complicated. And to be honest, I don’t want him… it feels different now. I don’t love him anymore… not to the same extent.
Except for those two guys I don’t have any other friends, apart from a close girlfriend.
And too many people recently tell me that they want to be with me for the sex alone. I know that I am clever, good looking and all - everybody says so - and especially how good-hearted I am. I don’t doubt it, but am I only good for sex? What is going on here?
Thank you for listening,
E.J.
E.J.,
I can only hope that your sharing here eases your loneliness.
Indeed it is not easy when one wants to reach the top of the pyramid, not to compromise on one’s feelings, values and the things that matter; at first, then, the journey might be characterized by solitude and painful loneliness. That aloneness, however, is necessary and is craved by your personality, making it stronger and granting you the priceless power to choose.
And here lies the heart of your problem. You have still not made up your mind about what you really want. You said it yourself – you are confused, and no wonder as you are faced by many possibilities that pull and push you in many directions until you are left alone to be spun around by other people.
Therefore, choose first and be determined. Do you want one loving committed partner with whom to have a true-love relationship? Good. Choose it. Do you want sexual encounters? Then choose that. But you can’t blame your life, which is your creation, for presenting you with the mess and havoc running through your head!
Take note though of two things -
- First, life does not judge you. There is nothing wrong with being in sexual-only relationships. I know that you regard them as a lesser form of love, but if approached appropriately, your sexuality can take you higher and deeper than ever before.
- Secondly, release any agenda about your path. You may choose to be with a loving partner but life will summon you someone who will desert you after only three weeks, leaving you with agonizing thoughts about your own worth. Can you trust that even in such circumstances, everything is still well in your life?! There is a majestic plan for you, and once you stick to your original choice - "make your eye single", as one speaker, 2000 years ago proclaimed - everything will fall into its right place.
But, remember, begin with making the choice!
Good luck!