A Memoir
Dealing with the issue of honesty always brings up the dilemma of white lies. Is it appropriate to use them at all and under which circumstances, or following the truth should always be exerted even if the price to pay would be causing a severe emotional hurt to others? Another dilemma relates to speaking your truth on your own initiative. For instance, you are enjoying yourself in a cocktail party at work and you bump into your besotted boss who wanders around aimlessly, indiscriminately insulting and affronting your colleagues. Would you comment to them about their shameful behavior? After all, there is no doubt that this is the naked truth. Similarly, there are numerous examples of such situations which can only be addressed according to your own personal discretion. Each human being should form to themselves a layout of demeanor that reflects their highest truths.
Credit: internationalcitytheatre
When a decision is finally made to stick to the truth, above and beyond any other consideration, it may happen that at first, we will grope through the pitch black of our inner essence. However, ultimately and with uninterrupted self-aware observation, the fog will brighten and our decisions will become obvious to make and easier to follow.
Notwithstanding, it is imperative that you always maneuver wisely and sensitively.
To share your romantic past love-affairs with your first date would not be the appropriate course of action to follow. Not because I advise to hide the less positive sides of your experiences but since a first date is supposed to be romantic and not a counseling encounter with a psychologist your poor date would not be eligible to absorb your emotional burdens no matter how experienced they may be.
Sometimes we are directly asked about situations and issues that we are not so eager to share with the inquirer at that moment. The remedy for such an inconvenient situation is not to make our way out by a lie, but rather to boldly and sincerely express our unwillingness to discuss that topic. A milder answer could additionally explain to our interlocutor that it is simply our preference to discuss that topic at a later stage. If your partner is thoughtful and considerate enough they will respect the honest way that you have chosen to follow. Since your straightforwardness has released the pressure and anxiety that would eventually surely come with the potential lie, you are now free and so will immediately feel empowered and relieved. A direct result of such emotions will be your enhanced attractiveness in the eyes of your partner and the strengthening of your relationship with them.
You lie when you are afraid!
The everlasting and consistent search for True-Love directly confronts us, perhaps for the first time, with the cowardly aspects of our nature. If we examined the situations in which we chose to lie we would discover that we lied because we were afraid.
An experienced politician who used to serve as a high ranked officer in the armed forces and who received medals for exhibiting extraordinary braveness on combat was once enquired by a journalist about his wealth. The evasive answer that he provided was later proven to be a lie and caused him to be tried for that. It was bewildering and difficult to comprehend how a person in his magnitude who serves as a leader for many humans could not find the bravery to speak the truth. Obviously, that man was led by the fear that if his simple and downtrodden electors discovered how rich he really was they would not vote for him in the future.
Lie is always derived from fear.
- A student who had skipped class only to fly to visit her boyfriend in London lied to her professor who asked upon her return for the reason she was late to hand in her dissertation. That hasty student feared that the truth might cause her to lose her credit with that professor. Our short-sightedness in such situations is barely explainable because that student eventually had indeed obtained her extra 10 points for her good-reputation but a few weeks later the same professor looked for students who recently visited in London to accompany him for field research and naturally she couldn’t say a word…..
The fear is well rooted within us and it almost mechanically dictates our daily behaviors and reactions to others with whom we interact. Therefore, once we decide to change the course of our life we can be certain that soon enough we will have to face our strongest fears and conquer them.
But mind you, I am not saying to smash the fears, to kill them or to suppress them, but rather to face them and deal with their essence and the energy behind them until it is clear and is transformed to higher levels of trust and freedom. The latter qualities will allow us to sleep better at night and to remove one more stumbling block from the path on which Realization walks towards us.
One of our heaviest fears - the fear to be abandoned by our lovers - leads us to lie even to ourselves:
Your spouse has a regular weekly meeting with his friends and you expect him to be home late at night. However, you are not feeling well and today, more than ever, you need his close presence and comforting support. What will you do? Will you call him and tell him your true feelings while risking a grumpy response from his end and guilt feelings on your part? Will you resolutely convince yourself that he deserves some space and you need to learn to handle your emotional imbalances on your own?
- On the one hand, you chose TrueLove long ago and you know well enough that in TrueLove your spouse is your best friend who is always there for you regardless anterior obligations. Therefore you can justly expect that he will cancel his meeting and rush home to your aid. However, will you be able to acknowledge your true needs and feelings and express them to him without feeling guilty?
When you are true with yourself it is much easier to be equally true with affairs that (seemingly) reside outside of you. In the above win-win situation, no one can lose anything if the truth is chosen. If you choose to speak up and state your truth to your boyfriend and he does come to your aid then your relationship will boost up. If he declines your request you can follow one of the following ways: one is to realize that his absence is not a big deal anyhow and the important lesson was for you. That is, you developed self-esteem and learned to express your needs with confidence and with worthy attitude. This new empowerment leads to more freedom that you now feel. Here lies the real gift for you. The fact that your spouse is not around can be used for peaceful thinking and relaxation and for reinforcing your relationship with your bigger self. A second option is to step aside and have an exhaustive examination of your relationship with that man. If that was not the first time he ignores your needs and acts insensitively then perhaps it is high time you left him and progressed to a relationship that would authentically mirror your choices about True-Love!