Hello,
I am in a relationship with a wonderful man whom I dearly love, or at least that is what I think I feel. What makes me doubt it, is that this feeling of “love” is sometimes gone and I am not able to “feel” the love that I usually have for him.
In these moments I feel sad and I begin questioning myself about my feelings for him. I begin searching for the "loving" feelings and I panic that I am not truthful with him. I really want this relationship to work out because he is such a wonderful soul and I am sure we can have a long lasting relationship together.
But what is this “absence” of feelings telling me? Please let me have some insights, thank you!
Carol
Credit: Anamorphic sculpture by Jonty Hurwitz at colossal
Carol,
This is a very honest question and I am sure that many people have the same “problem” but are very afraid to admit it to themselves let alone talk about it with others. To realize and admit that this is how you really feel shows that you are aware of yourself and that you are willing to see through the layers that sometimes cloud our awareness.
What this situation basically wants to show you is that you have begun asking yourself where does the Love that you feel come from, or even more basic: what really is Love?
Most of us only begin to feel “Love” when we have found a partner who seems suitable; and when we feel “butterflies” we tell ourselves “Oh, I am feeling Love”. In itself, of course, that is wonderful and I wish everybody could experience it at one point in their lives. But is that really Love? For many it is but once these initial romantic feelings leave, they think that Love is gone and so they leave their partner and go off to search again for “Love”. Of course, they will never really find any “Love” other than these romantic feelings, and many go on like this for years, always hoping that with the next partner love will stay forever.
What they don’t see is that Love starts within ourselves and for ourselves. Real Love doesn’t “come” and can’t be found from or with another person! What we are feeling is always and only felt BY ourselves and we mistakenly think that we feel it BECAUSE of someone else.
Let us remember the one theme I am advancing, that I myself have experienced, is an understanding of the mirror effect. This means that the whole world around us is solely mirroring to us what is happening inside us. Considering this and what I wrote above about Love, I ask you to look again at your feelings for this man and at the same time compare them with the feelings that you have for yourself.
Could it be that your choice to be with this man was coming from a deeper sense of knowing that he allows you to connect with who you truly are? Was it a way for you to find out that what you have been searching for in someone else (your partner) is actually missing within you?
Practically speaking, why don't you try to love your partner from a different place than just your feelings? How does that sound to you? "Oh", you may שדל, "but how do I do that?". And I tell you that you must begin to go beyond your feelings because Love is much more than what you feel. On other levels Love can connect you and your partner in ways that your feelings will never be able to.
Love, Carol, is a form of communication!
Only through these kinds of experiences, we find out about TrueLove and as soon as we start asking ourselves why it is the way it is, we can start to change things for ourselves. So you have taken a good way and I would like to encourage you to examine those “feelings” again and make clear choices about what you want in your life.
All the best to you.