You can call me John, as in John Doe, and one thing I want to get off my chest right off the bat is that you are oblivious to the evils and dangers that are surrounding, even in your major cities. I'd pity you, but instead I think I'd rather envy you being ignorant and calm.
There are creatures out there right now as you read this that are killing someone and eating them, or worse. And yes there are worse things than death. Take a breather and catch your breath, this is going to be bumpy. A creature commonly known as a mimic, can't even destroy these fucking things with napalm. You have to somehow get them to destroy themselves.
Oh ho ho don't get me wrong there kid, you can hurt the ever living hell out of them, but the best you can do with a mimic is hurt it enough to leave you be or to reconstitute something else. Wow, yeah, I know, another way is to use decoys but they don't fall for it twice. Get your mind sharp or you're fucked with a cactus and they don't even kiss you first.
I could just blurt out lists and lists of various monsters and demons and ways to hurt them or kill them. But that's not my slice of fried gold mate. Instead I'll inform you about the last fiasco I ran into in my line of work. You see, I ended up finding a human, that's right, human. Or what was once human. You see, he ended up with an incredible thirst for human flesh and blood.
Generally eating a little bit of human meat isn't going to turn you, but if you eat large amounts of it over a long period of time, it changes you. You become what is known as a windigo. Most windigo don't become one by choice, there's usually some other matter at hand that keeps them to where they have to eat human flesh to survive. I know what you're thinking "Yeah right, load of crud" it's true.
Granted there were other things with the windigo, who was taking care of the young of a skinwalker that seemed to prefer the appearance of a deer. At first I thought it was a deer, then a Not Deer, but alas I've not found an actual not deer. Maybe one day, if I live long enough. Pass me another beer. Thanks.
I found this den in the ground, almost like a multi room cave house built by some eccentric human. Great, a god damn wicker. No, it wasn't a wicker, but that's what I thought when I found the den. 20 20 hindsight right? I go exploring then and clear carefully room by room, inspecting for danger, looking for children victims of the wicker. Then I saw it, a windigo feeding the young of a fucking skinwalker.
These wicked monstrosities. I didn't know what to think. I stayed hidden in the shadows on the brink of panic but I calmed my breathing. Getting excited, you see, can get you killed when in the face of the unknown, and I still don't know if there's a wicker involved or anything else. I didn't know what to believe with the young monsters practically feasting on the remains of an old man.
I took myself a short moment to let all this sink in, let the hue of red anger clear away. Now calm and collected, I slowly and very carefully snuck back out of the den and treaded carefully back to my truck where I had set up a small base camp while making sure my lamp was off so not to attract attention to myself.
I thought still I was dealing with a wicker, so I grabbed some kerosene, flairs, matches, and for the windigo and young skinwalkers, ash and silver bullets. It's not often I kill anything child like, but I can do it without feeling wicked myself. And oh, great, something on my way back, a set of fucking stairs in the middle of the woods that wasn't there originally. I'll get to that nightmare another time. Right now it would just cause a scene that I can't afford.
I carefully fight my way through the thick branches, careful not to make a noise while I lay down some cord made into a fuse. Believe me, I wouldn't want to go back into the den, really didn't want to, just going home and pretending none of this was happening was a sublime thought.
Before I got to the den, I noticed a deer standing on it's hind legs, eyes front facing and ... they eyes were human eyes. A not deer? Here? So a wicker, not deer, windigo and skinwalkers. Great, I thought. With this mixed grab bag of horse shit I'm thinking I have to deal with, I fought the urge to turn tale and pussy out. But then I though "Hey, if I don't stop this, nobody else will or can for that matter." I sighed to myself, trying not to shit myself out of fear.
I've never seen a not deer, this is my first time seeing one. Well, I didn't find out it wasn't a not deer and that there was no wicker until later. We'll get there, hold your tits from getting into a twist sweetheart. You good? Need to take a moment to piss? Go right ahead, I'll wait for ya and grab myself another beer.
Ok, you good now? Where was I? Oh, right, thanks for the reminder. Ok so where we left off here.
I took the ash I had in my stash and coated my silver bullets, then loaded them bad boys up and put one round in the chamber. I then snuck carefully back into the den, room by room, clearing each as I go. Though, keep in mind, I still don't know exactly what I'm up against at this point.
You know those movies where someone shoots with a suppressor and it's like nobody can hear the gun fire? Let me assure you that is a load of bullshit, it only makes the shot slightly quieter. I'd say maybe a quarter of the way more quiet. Movie magic is bullshit.
How many children one two three. There were three children. So I was thinking OK, kill the children with ashen silver bullets after I shoot the windigo in the head, disable the not deer and run outside like a bat out of hell and strike the fuse to let it blow up the kerosene container.
I thought it couldn't get any plainer than that. Kill, disable and flee. Well, here's the thing about not deer, they are not skinwalkers and as such a not deer allegedly can be killed by the same means you can kill a human. Shoot them and they die.
I barge in, shoot the windigo in the fat, emaciated fucking head to disable it. Then I shoot the children in rapid succession and then shoot the not deer several times in the chest.
The not deer let go of it's visage and wails a loud wailing sound that I'm surprise folk in the city nearby didn't hear.
Great, it wasn't a not deer, it was a fucking skinwalker. A god damn skinwalker. Can you believe this horse shit? The babies were that thing's children! Who would be desperate enough to fuck that level of ugly? I mean, there isn't enough beer in the god damn universe to make me fuck her with a stolen dick.
I lay underneath the seat of my truck's cabin, I've had it custom for this very purpose. I locked the seat so it seems like a normal seat with nobody in the truck. I use this time to recover from my evening and get a little shut eye. Could hardly sleep. Man was that thing fugly.
During the night I've heard the skinwalker and windigo searching for me, they tore the door off my passenger side and climbed in sniffing about the place. Needless to say they didn't find me, because hell I'm here ain't I?
During daylight hours I sneak myself back out from under the seat and get ready to fly like a bat out of fucking hell mate. I turn my truck on, readjust my rearview mirror and I haul ass the fuck out of there.
You see, skinwalker youth are very easy to kill. Ash covered silver bullets do the trick nicely. Adults, well they're a bit of a cunt ya see. That fugly fucker will take a couple months to recover, same with the windigo, but with their young killed and their den destroyed, they will relocate somewhere else.
I was prepared for wicker, hence why I didn't manage to kill the skinwalker and windigo. Next time I see a report about a not deer and it's living in a den, then I'm going to prepare also for skinwalkers and windigo just to be on the safe side. Been a while since I've seen any reports about them. Maybe they're not here anymore, fuck if I know.
Do me a favor and grab me another beer.
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