Right now in your life, what feels like your main reason for living?
How would you describe your purpose at this moment, and what keeps you moving forward each day?
Thinking about an answer to this question, I am realizing that since I got to become an adult or teen I have had many reasons for living, I have had many things that have been the reason for my decision to keep pushing and keep moving forward irrespective of how things are.
There was a time when I had kept moving forward, kept pushing, kept trying because of my dad, he was the only support system I had, the only best friend and my cheerleader, he was the only one that I looked at and had a reason for pushing no matter how hard academic was for me back then, I was wiling to scale through, I pushed every single day, I put in my best every day because of him and then I lost him.
So, I transferred my attention, I kept pushing, I had to finish school so I could start working in earnest, I had to take on two many jobs so there was money to keep at home for food and for their school fees, I worked harder because I didn't want then to experience the suffering I did, I pushed harder because I knew they had nobody but me, my purpose in life was to make sure they were not feeling the absence of their father and husband. I lived for the remaining family that I had which was my two siblings and my mother.
I lived and breathed because of them until years when I realized that age was no longer one my side, that I was pouring more into people than into myself, although my attention was focused now more on my mother, so I started pushing for just myself and my mom, I never had plans or made plans that didn't include her about my life.
My life practically revolved around her, I pushed for more financial stability because of her, I made decisions based on her, until last year when we lost her. I found myself thinking about how I was going to navigate around her without her, how I was going to keep pushing without her, how I was going to make plans without including her, and how I was going to go on with the many plans I had that majorly included her without her now.
Although it has not been easy lately, I am starting to push for myself, I am starting to live for myself, I am starting to learn to keep pushing every foot forward for myself and it feels strange because every life at my young age has always been for family but I am starting to see me, I am starting to understand what it actually means to push forward for myself alone, i am starting to realize what it means to live for myself, I am starting to understand what it means to have ones purpose not revolve or tired around anyone.
My purpose at this moment in my life is to become financially stable, settled, and understand more about what I want to do for myself at each stage of my life. Although I have not figured it all out yet, I know it's going to be one step at a time.
This is my entry to Ladies of Hive Community Contest #285
The image used is mine
Thank you for reading my blog!!!